Biblical Headship: God's Design for Men to Lead in Love | Let's Talk Biblical

If you love talking about the Bible as much as I do, then I think you really enjoy this show. Welcome to Let's Talk Biblical, the podcast where we dig deep into the heart of scripture, explore timeless truths, and have real conversations about what the Bible says and how it applies to us. My name is Lex and I want to thank you for joining me on today's episode. So, grab your Bible, get comfortable, and let's talk biblical. All right, welcome back. Uh, today we're going to be talking about biblical headship as God's design for men to lead in love. Okay. So that is the title that I chose for this uh because of how um how important this topic is and how important it is for people to understand what biblical headship really means. Um and so I know this this is a topic that is can be controversial. I know it's a topic that can have a lot of um uh oh what's the word there's a lot of argument about it a lot of striving about it a lot of different opinions on this topic um but I think biblical male headship is very important and I think we see this throughout the scriptures and uh I think it's very important for us to understand what it looks like both in our home and in the church. Okay. And so, um, what does the Bible actually say about men being the head of the home? What what does that mean? And does it mean that, um, and what does it mean for men to be leaders in the church? Does it mean that uh, headship is a license to dominate? That it's a license to dictate to other people and to tell other people what to do? um or is it a call to die to our self and and lead like Messiah does? And so it um if you've ever wondered about gender roles or um biblical order or what headship really looks like, what what spiritual leadership according to the Bible looks like, then hopefully this podcast will be helpful to you. And so, uh, I want to start by opening up the Bible. And, uh, we're going to look in 1 Corinthians 11 and starting at verse 8. Says, "For man is not from woman, but woman from man. For this reason, the woman ought to have a symbol of authority over Oh, I'm sorry, I skipped one. Uh, nor was man created for the woman, but woman for the man." Okay. Um and so right here he is in 1 Corinthians 11 he is talking about um headship and he's talking about authority and the context of this is head coverings. Okay. And so if we go up a little little earlier, um let's actually start in verse um verse three. Okay, we're going to start verse three, but I I just want to give you a little context. He's talking about head coverings and he's using it as a symbol of authority. But we saw in uh verses 8 and n that he he is calling to creation. He's pointing back to creation. He said that Adam came first and then Eve. Man was created first and then woman came from man. And that's the foundation the the scriptural foundation of this argument and why he says the things that he says. Okay. So starting verse three, I want you to know the head of every man is Christ. The head of woman is man. And the head of Christ is God. Okay. Okay. So, f first thing first, we need to see he's establishing that there is order. There is structure. Um, and and what that order looks like. And so, God is the head of everything. Yeshua is the head of the church and and the head of man. And then the man is the head of his wife and the head of his home. Okay? So, that is uh the order we see here. I want you to know that the head of every man is Christ. The head of a woman is man, and the head of Christ is God. So, he's establishing headship and he's showing what that should look like or what that does look like. Um, he's not saying it should look this way. He's saying it this is the established order. Um, and so that's that's something I want to make sure we understand is he is saying this is the established order. This is what God has established. This is the order God has set in place. The man is the head of the wife. Christ is the head of man. And God is the head of Christ. Okay? Um, and so this is God's established order, the way he intends it to look. This is the way it's it's supposed to look. This is what it is. Um, it's not that man should be the head of his wife. It's that man is the head of his wife. And so the question is, what kind of a head are you? What kind of a leader are you? Um, are you leading well? And you you don't have the option. You can't say, "Well, I don't want to be the head. I'll let my wife be the head." Um, you can't you can't do that. You're still the head. you're just not a very good one. Uh if you're letting your wife lead, if you're letting your wife be the spiritual leader in the home, if you're letting your wife um make all the decisions, if you're letting your wife be the one who disciples your kids, if you're you're letting your wife um do all those things and she's she's basically taking over for you because you're not stepping into your role. You're not being the leader you're supposed to be. And means you're being a really bad leader. Means you're a really poor leader, but you're still the leader. you're just not leading well. And so she's having to fill in where you fall short. Okay. Um but then we go on and it says, "Every man praying or prophesying having his head covered dishonors his head." Okay. So if if we um pray or prophesy with our head covered, we dishonor our head. Well, what does that mean? Because Christ is the head of the church, that means we are dishonoring Christ by covering our head. Why is he saying this? Um, if you look at pagan cultures, um, that was typically what the men would do is, um, they would cover their head when they pray or prophesy. And even this even crossed over into Judaism as something that they would do. And in the Bible, the high priest was commanded to have a a head covering, but the other priests were not commanded to cover their heads. And the other men of Israel were not commanded to cover their heads. That's something that they did. And you see through tradition that the uh the kipa, the the little skull cap that they wear on the top of their head, the beanie, whatever you want to call it, yamaka, whatever you want to call it, um that developed and and what they'll say is it's a way that they are honoring God by by covering their head, by putting something on their head, they're honoring God. But right here, Paul's saying if a man prays or prophesies with his head covered, he's dishonoring his head. And so, um, within Christianity, because of this, that's why most Christians don't wear hats or any kind of head covering when they're praying. And so, like, for example, when you pray, you'll remove your your ball cap or your cowboy hat or whatever hat you might have on, you'll remove it while you pray. Then, when you're done praying, you can put it back on. But it's a way of showing honor to Yeshua, showing honor to Christ. And so that's why I don't wear a kipa. Um because it's it's Jewish tradition. It's not commanded scripture. And because of what Paul says here, uh the man is not supposed to cover his head because it's dishonoring to his head, which is Christ. That's also why, you know, if I wear prayer shaw, I don't put it up over my head. When I wear to lead, I don't put it up over my head when I pray. I just leave it on my shoulders. Um it's because of this verse. It says it's dishonoring to my head. I don't want to dishonor my head. I don't want to dishonor Christ and so I don't cover my head when I pray or prophesy. Okay. He says, "Every woman who prays or prophesies with her head uncovered dishonors her head for that is one of the same as if her head were shaved." Okay. So, this is an interesting one because it says if she doesn't cover her head with a cloth, with some sort of a a head covering, whether that be a prayer shaw or a handkerchief or some sort of a a head covering, cloth hat, something. If she doesn't cover her head when she prays, it says she might as well be um shaved, right? It says uh she dishonors her head, and that's the same as if her head were shaved. Okay? So if she she doesn't cover her head when she prays, she might as well have her head shaved. What is Paul talking about here? Well, according to um you know, a lot of resources that we have about the ancient world, um often times temple prostitutes would shave their heads and that was a sign that they were a temple prostitute is they would have a head a shaved head. And so it's a dishonoring thing for a woman to have her head shaved. She was seen as a prostitute and um you know and the Bible says that God gave woman her hair as a glory to her and so to shave her head is to remove her glory. And so um he's saying that if a woman doesn't uh cover her head when when she prays or when she prophesies that she's dishonoring her head which in the and what he just said was her head is her husband. And so she's dishonoring her husband, praying or prophesying with her head uncovered. Um, and that's that's really interesting. Um, and in our culture today, it's really hard for us to wrap our minds around because we don't live in a culture where uh women typically wear head coverings. Um, and you know, you have certain denominations of Christianity where they do. um typically very conservative uh maybe like Pentecostal holiness or Amish or Menite or something like that um where you might see women with head coverings but most Christian denominations you don't see that um you see most women going without their head covered and a lot of this came about because of uh the feminist movement and um they were pushing that women should not be covering their heads because that is um you know that is a sign of of submission to their husbands or whatnot. And that influenced the church and it caused the church to u back away from this biblical uh standard that women should cover their heads when they pray or prophesy. And so just as men should remove their hats when they pray, uh women should put some sort of a covering up over their heads when they pray. Uh it doesn't mean that she has to wear a head covering all the time though. doesn't mean she has to wear a head covering 24 hours a day or all anytime she's out in public, just when she's praying and just when she's prophesying. And so, um, which which also indicates that she, um, is able to pray and prophesy in church, um, but she needs to do so with her head covered. Okay. Um, then he says, "But every woman uh, oh, wait, I already read that one. Uh, for if a woman is not covered, let her also be shorn. For it is shameful for a woman to be shorn. For if it is shameful for a woman to be shorn or shaved, let her be covered. Okay, so he's he's saying that um, you know, because it's shameful for a woman to have her head shaved, she needs to remember that and to say, okay, you need to cover your head when you pray because it's shameful to pray without your head covered. And so that's that's the argument he's making here. And I'm not I'm not coming in and saying, "Okay, all women need to cover their head when they pray." I'm not saying that. That's what Paul is saying, okay? And he's not saying uh she needs to have long hair. And because the context of this is is implying that she has she has hair, um but her head is not covered. And it's the idea of covering her head when she prays. And so this means that she wouldn't have to have her head covered all the time. And so it's talking about some sort of an extra covering, some sort of a veil, a scarf, a handkerchief, a hat, prayer shaw, something um that she would put up over her head as a symbol of authority. Okay? Uh because if if it is shameful for her head not to be covered, let her be shaved. Well, that implies she has hair. And so for her to be shaved means that they would be removing her hair. Okay? So it would be shameful for her her to be shaved and so she should also cover her hair. Cover her head with a covering. Okay. Um for man indeed ought not to cover his head since he is the image and glory of God. But woman is the glory of man. Okay. So man should not cover his head because he's the image of God. Okay. So man is not to be covered because he's the image of God. So we don't cover our head because God is our head. Christ is our head and so our head should be remain uncovered to bring glory to God. But the head of woman is man. So she should cover her head and that brings glory to man. That's that's the premise of this argument. Okay? For man is not from woman but woman from man. Okay. Now here he's going back to Genesis and he's saying that God created man first and then woman came from man. So he pulled Eve out of man's side, took a rib from Adam and built Eve and woman came from man. So he's establishing the order that God created and this was created at the foundation of the world in Genesis. Genesis 1 um Genesis 1 and two when God created man and then in two when God created woman from man. Okay? Nor was man created for the woman but woman for the man. So now he's saying even the purpose in Eve was not so that man would be created to serve her. So man would be created for her. It was so that she would be created for man because it's not good for man to be alone. So man so God created a helper suitable for him. So Eve was created for man. Okay. So man was created first and then Eve came from man and Eve was created for man. Okay. Okay, so he's establishing the order. For this reason, the woman ought to have a symbol of authority on her head because the angels. Okay, so he's saying this covering of her head is a symbol of authority over her head. Um and and uh verse 12, for as man came from as woman came from man, so also man comes through woman, but all things are from God. So a woman gives birth to man. Um, judge among yourselves. Is it proper for a woman to pray to God with her head uncovered? Does not even nature itself teach you that if a man has long hair, it's a dishonor to him? But if a woman has long hair, uh, oops, it didn't show up. But if a woman has long hair, it is a glory to her, for her hair is given to her for a covering. Okay. So now he's saying that even naturally women have longer hair than men and the woman is supposed to have longer hair and that shows uh that is her glory. That is something that shows her beauty. And a man is not supposed to have long hair because that's a very feminine thing for him to do and that would be a dishonor to him to make him look feminine. And so um he's saying it is an honor to a woman to have long hair. And so women who want to come along and have short manly haircuts, um that's a dishonor to you to cut your hair short like a man. Um you're you're you're cutting off your glory according to the Bible. And so uh biblically, women are supposed to have long hair and it is a glory to to to you as a woman. And men, you're not supposed to have long hair. You're supposed to have shorter hair. You're supposed to have a man's haircut. Women are supposed to have a women's haircut. Men are supposed to have a men's haircut. And I know um throughout culture there's a lot of um different things that you might argue that culturally in this you know in certain cultures men might have long hair whereas other cultures men might have short hair. Um but without getting into a whole lot of cultural debate about this I I I just want to stick with what does the Bible say and it says that a man should have short hair or shorter hair than women. Um, and a woman should have long hair or longer hair than men. And so a man with shoulderlength hair might be a long haircut for a man, but it would still be shorter than a woman's long hair that would go down past her shoulders. And so that argument can be made. Um whereas a woman who has a a bob haircut where her hair is maybe just down to her chin or her eyes or you know something short like that um well that's a very uh masculine type of cut is a very short haircut. Um, and that is not becoming of a woman. And that's plays into a lot of the gender confusion we see in the world today where we have men dressing and acting and trying to be women and we have women dressing and acting and trying to be men. Um, and the thing is you can't um you can't. Even if you do surgery, you can surgically change your physical appearance, but that doesn't make you change your gender. A man is still a man and a woman is still a woman. It's in your DNA. It's in your chromosomes. And so even if you mutilate your body and destroy the evidence of your gender, it doesn't change your gender. And even if you change your appearance and the way you look, the way you dress, the way you talk, the way you do your hair, it doesn't change your gender. You are still a man or a woman the way you were born with the chromosomes you were born with. And I know that's controversial in the world we live in. Um, but the facts are you can't change your gender. And I I know I'm getting off topic a little bit here. Um, but I think it ties in. Um, but if anyone seems to be contentious, we have no such custom, nor do the churches of God. Okay. So if anybody's contentious, uh, we have no such custom. What does he mean? Is does he mean we don't have a custom of uh whether you have to wear head covering or not? Or does he mean we don't have a custom of allowing people to be contentious about this? And I you know this is one of those verses that what is he what is he really trying to convey here? I I personally lean towards we don't allow contention about this topic is what I think he's saying because he's very much establishing this is how it should be. Men should not cover their heads when they pray. Women should cover their heads when they pray. And this is laid out in scripture as the man is the head. Man came first. And so I believe he is establishing custom there. And then he says if anyone seems to be contentious about this, we don't have a custom. I think he's saying we don't have a custom about allowing contention on these matters. If someone wants to be contentious about this, say, "Okay, well go someplace else. we're not going to tolerate this contention. And that's what the church should have done in the early 1900s with the feminist movement and women's lib and and you know the burn in the bras and all that nonsense that they did. Uh what the church should have said is well we don't allow for women to be contentious about this. So if you're going to be here these are the uh establishments of what proper behavior for a woman should be. and a woman uh should not pray or prophesy with her head uncovered. And so if you want to be a part of this community, that is our custom. That's that's really what the church should have done. But instead, they bowed down to the world and they said, "Well, you know, it's it's not um it's not acceptable anymore for women to be forced to wear head coverings, and women don't like that. And so we want to cater to them and do what pleases them. And so we'll let them get rid of their head coverings and no longer cover their head. But if you look at Christianity up until that point, women wore head coverings all throughout the ages. Um, and you know, I mean, even you look at Little House on the Prairie and you see what the women are wearing a head covering. they have something a bonnet on their head and that was standard u in culture. Women wore head coverings and it was a symbol of authority. Okay. Um and so but God created man first. He created Adam first and then he formed Eve as a helper suitable for him. And but this isn't about value. Okay? This isn't saying that men are more valuable than women. That's not the point of this. That's not what it's saying. Women and men are valuable. They have equal value in the eyes of God. God loves them both equally. Okay? They have equal worth. Uh but it gives us distinct roles. And so men have one role, women have another role. And we see this all throughout our makeup, how God has designed us. Um you you look at men and you say, "Okay, uh men go to the store and get some groceries. for your family. He will take the list and like a hunter, he will go and he will get the things on the list. Okay, I need milk, I need eggs, I need bread, um I need, you know, meat, I need whatever. Like he goes down the list, he gets he gets the stuff he needs and then he goes and checks out and he's out of there. Women, uh they are not hunters, they are more gatherers, they are more um nurturers, they are more they they like to shop, right? And so typically women will go to the store and they have a list and they'll they'll get all the things on their list, but they also have a bunch of other stuff that they get that may not have been on the list because they see it and they're like, "Oh, this is so pretty. Oh, this is so cute. Oh, my my son will like this or my daughter like this. My husband will like this." And they're they they start gathering other things and putting in the basket as well. Um, you look at how children play. Boys tend to be more rough. They are aggressive. They like to tumble and fight and uh play rough and they get scuffed up and scraped and um they play hard and they get dirty and they um you know they get hurt and they are okay with that and that's part of being a boy. Girls tend to be more um they they sit when they play more often. They will sit and play with dolls or they will sit and play with their toys. They're not as active as boys. They um girls will also um you know and I know this is a broad I'm painting a broad picture here, but and and I know that there are exceptions to to what I'm saying. You know, there are exceptions. Some boys are not as rough and and some girls are more rough. I get that. But I'm just saying in general um you know you have have this picture of of girls who uh they play with the dolls and the tea parties and and things like that. They play house, they play mother, they have a baby doll that they want to cuddle and uh you know they have um you know they change the diapers and they have little bottles that they feed them and and they're nurturers. Uh whereas boys are aggressive and active and they they're hunting and they're fighting and they're um destroying stuff, you know, they like to they like to get something and just smack it against something else just just to beat it up. They have they have built-in aggression and um they they have a destructive force in them um and that it serves a good purpose, right? And so, you know, you have a boy who who takes a hammer and he goes out and he just starts smacking the tree with it and just knocking the bark off the tree. Why? Because he's a boy. You don't typically see girls do that. That's something. But you will see a boy do that. Um, you know, it's it's just part of being a boy. And we have, you know, you look at at how our hormones function. uh when you know when kids are little before puberty their the hormones are pretty pretty similar right but then they hit puberty and all of a sudden men uh boys who hit puberty they they start getting facial hair and hair in other places in the body uh the voice gets deeper uh their muscles explode even if they're not exercising they just get huge they grow in height they they get wider and thicker and and broader her. And you know, last year you have a boy who hadn't hit puberty yet and he's skinny and scrawny and looks very much like his sister or the girl he goes to school with. Uh is as far as phys physical frame, but as soon as he hits puberty, he grows 6 in and he puts on 40 lbs of muscle. And that that's how God designed us to be. God designed men different than women. Okay? But it doesn't mean they have different value or different worth. We're just different. We have different roles. We have different functions. Men are supposed to be providers and protectors. And so we need muscle. We need strength to go and hunt and to fight uh invaders and to to protect our home, right? And so if a bear comes into our home, we we have muscles so that we can fight back and defend our home against against this invader, whether it be an animal or whether it be another human. That's how God designed men is to be strong and protect the family. Um that's part of our role as leaders is to be strong and protect our family. Uh but women also have value. It's not that they have less value. They have equal value, but it's different. Their role is different. Women uh their role is the nurturer, the caregiver. You know, when the kid um scrapes his knee or her knee, they go to mom and mom fixes him up. She bandages the wounds. She washes and cleans the wound and she bandages it. They don't go to dad and say, "Oh, dad, I scraped my knee. Will you uh you know, will you clean it up and bandage it?" Unless mom's not there. If mom's there, they go to mom. But if dad, you know, if mom's not there, then they they'll go to dad. But mom is the primary caregiver. She's the one who gives care to the family. Um she's also the one who tends to be the one who uh prepares the meals and feeds the family. Whereas the man is the one who hunts the meal and you know so they're both providing uh for their family but in different ways. They have equal value in the eyes of God and they have equal value and worth in the family in the home but they have different roles. And that's something that we've got to make sure we understand is it just having a different role doesn't mean you have lesser value. Okay? Um man is the head. That doesn't mean he has more value. And and so I want to make sure that's clear before we go on any further is that man doesn't have more value being the head. Okay? He just has a different role. Um both men and women are made in the image of God and uh they have equal worth in the eyes of God and they have equal value and worth in the home. Okay. Um but being that we are both imitators of God, Paul reminds us in Ephesians 5 that we are supposed to be imitators of God. Okay? And this is the beginning of his uh chapter where he talks about um the roles of men and women. But he starts off this chapter by telling us to be imitators of God. So he says Ephesians 5:1, "Therefore be imitators of God as dear children." Okay? So he's giving us uh the standard here of uh we are all children of God and we should all be imitators of God. Okay? Um and then uh so we both need to be imagebearers of God. We both bear God's image. We both need to represent God's image. And so we need to make it our aim in life in everything we do to imitate God, to imitate Christ. Okay? That that's our goal is to be imitators of God. And so husbands, as the husband of the home, you need to be imitators of God as a husband. wives. As wives in the home, as as as mothers and wives, you need to be imitators of God in your family. And what that looks like for a man is different than what that looks like for a woman. But the the goal in this is to establish that men are imitating God in their role as husbands and fathers and women are imitating God in their roles as wives and mothers, but their roles are different. Okay. Um, headship was God's idea before the fall. I've heard people argue that the fall is what caused um this headship thing to to happen. And I actually want to jump over to Genesis chapter 3. Um, and so we see, you know, the serpent shows up and, you know, he's cunning and and um he's talking to Eve and um after they the Lord heard the sound uh they heard the sound of God walking in the garden and they hid. Um God said, "Where are you? Um who told you that you were naked? Have you eaten of the tree? I told you not to." Um and then man, Adam said, "The woman you gave me to be with me. She gave me the tree of the tree and I ate it." Um and God said, you know, to the woman, "What have you done?" And she said, "The serpent deceived me and I ate." And the God said, "The serpent, because you have done this, you are cursed more than all the cattle, more than all every beast of the field. Uh on your belly should go, and you shall eat dust all the days of your life. I hope immity be between you and the woman, between your seat and hers. Um, and she shall uh bruise your head, and you shall bruise his heel. To the woman, he said, I will greatly multiply your sorrow and conception, pain, child birth. Um, and your desire shall be for your husband, and he shall rule over you. Okay, so this verse right here is the one I was looking for. Okay, he says, "Your desire shall be for your husband, and he shall rule over you." Okay. What does that mean? He shall rule over you. He shall have authority over you. So people look at this and they say, okay, this is when male headship was established was this is because of sin, because of the fall and God established headship here. No, Paul does not point us to this verse and say this is why headship exists. Paul does not say that. He says headship exists because Adam was created first. So he says headsup was created at at the beginning when God created Adam first and then Eve from Adam and Eve for Adam. That's when headship was established according to the Bible. But when people come along and they say this is this is where headship happens is that uh her desires for her husband her husband will rule over her and they say this is a curse and the biblical male headship is a curse and that's what they're trying to say here. That is not what this verse says. And I want to show you something in chapter 4 that's very interesting. Um and this is about um Cain and Abel, right? Um and so we have Cain and Abel bringing their offerings and Abel was accepted by God. Um and Cain was angry. And he says this, and this is the same type of wording that we just saw. He says, "If you do well," God is talking to Cain. He says, "If you do well, will you not be accepted? And if you do not do well, sin lies at the door and its desire is for you, but you should rule over it." Okay? So, he's now he's saying sin's desire is for Cain, but Cain should rule over sin. Okay? Sin's desire is to dominate. Sin's desire is to control. Sin's desire is to take over. Sin's desire is to um enslave Cain to make him a servant of slave, a servant of sin. But Cain, God tells Cain, "You should rule over it. Don't let sin rule you. You rule it." Okay? The same wording that we saw in Genesis 3. Her desire is for her husband, but he shall rule over her. Sin's desire is for you, but you shall rule over it. It's the exact same formula. And so what he's saying in Genesis 3 is her desire will be be to lead. Part of the curse is her desire is that she would want to lead. She would want to be in charge. She would want to take over. That's sin. Okay? Sin's desire is for you. Sin's desires to take over. Sin's desire to lead. Sin's desire is to dominate you. So what he's doing here is he's showing us what sin is. And sin is sin is wanting to conquer you. Sin is wanting to dominate you. This is what happened with feminism. Women rose up and said, "I am going to be the head of my house. I'm going to lead. I'm going to take charge. I'm going to dominate. I'm going to rule over my husband. I'm going to be the president of my company. I'm going to be the the leader of my my company. I'm going to be a congregational leader in my church. That is sin rising up and causing women to want to dominate men. Sin's desires for you. And and part of the curse, it says your desire will be for your husband. Right? It's the same concept. And then he says, but you should rule over it. You should rule over sin. and that the husband should would rule over the wife. Okay? And so the wife's desire to dominate her husband, the wife's desire to rule her husband is sin. It's the same thing. But the man should control sin in the same way the man should not allow the woman to lead him. Okay? I know that this is concept that probably people right now are struggling with. People listening to this right now are probably struggling with that because it goes counter to what you've been told. It's contrary to what feminism has tried to teach us and and tried to teach women especially. Uh but this is what the Bible says. Okay. Um, headship was God's idea before the fall. The fall didn't cause headship. Headship happened at creation. God created Adam first and then woman for Adam from Adam. The fall is woman's desire to dominate man. The the curse of the fall is that woman would want to dominate, that woman would want to lead. Um, but God says it's not going to happen. Man is still going to be the head. Man is still going to lead. Um, sin didn't create headship. Sin corrupted headship. Okay? And re redemption doesn't erase headship. Uh, it restores it to its original beauty. And I I've heard people say this kind of stuff and especially women teachers within this movement. Women in the in the Torah keeping messianic Hebrew roots type movement. women teachers will come in and say that the fall is where biblical headship started, where male headship started, and because of redemption, because of our salvation, we're no longer under that headship. That is absolutely a lie from the devil. Because when you read the New Testament, that is written by Christians who believe in the salvation of Yeshua. They are redeemed by Yeshua. They are walking in holiness, walking in the power of the Holy Spirit, inspired by the Holy Spirit. And they write things like u man is the head of the wife and women should submit to their husbands and women should not lead or teach in church. Those are written by Holy Spiritfilled apostles who who followed Yeshua. And so you can't say that redemption cancels that out. But I have heard that absurd claim by women teachers in this movement. Turn them off. Stop listening to their nonsense. They are spewing out lies, not biblical truth. Okay? Um and so I I want us to look at Yeshua as the model of headship. What does headship look like according to Yeshua? And so we're going to go back to Ephesians now. Eeesians chapter 5 and we're going to skip down to verse 23 it says for the husband is the head of the wife as also Christ is the head of the church and he is the savior of the body. Okay so he doesn't say Christ should be the head of the church. He said Christ is the head of the church. Likewise he didn't say the husband should be the head of the wife. He says the husband is the head of the wife. Okay? He's stating facts. He's not giving us um options. He's stating facts. The husband is the head of the wife. Plain and simple. If you're a husband, you are the head of your wife according to the Bible. Now, are you a good head or a bad head? Now, we're going to read through Ephesians and find out if you're a good head or a bad head. Okay? But this tells us men that our aim in marriage is to model Christlike behavior towards our wives. Okay? Our goal as men, as husbands, is to model Christlike behavior towards our wives. That should be our goal. That is what headship looks like is modeling Christlike behavior towards our wives. Okay. Now, uh the next um Paul tells us um what this type of headship looks like. Okay? In verse 25, he says, "Husbands, love your wives just as Christ also loved the church and gave himself for her." Okay? So, we see here that headship is not about control. It's about sacrifice. Um it's about being a servant. Yeshua Yeshua said, "I came to serve, not to be served." And so, if we're going to follow his example, we need to be servant leaders, leaders who serve our families. Um, and so, the first thing I want to point out is when Yeshua washed his disciples feet, okay? He he he got down on his knees, he wrapped himself in a towel, and he washed their feet. And many of them were like, "Wait a minute. I I don't want you to wash my feet. Peter especially vocalized that. I don't want you to wash my feet. And he said, if I don't wash you, you have no part with me. And so part of the husband's role is washing the wife, washing the bride. And we see this in Ephesians 5. And so just as uh Yeshua washes and cleanses his bride with the water of the word, we are also supposed to do the same thing. And so um verse 26 it says that he might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word that he might present to her to himself a glorious church not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing but that she should be holy and without blemish. So husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it just as the Lord does the church. For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones. Okay? So, um he's saying that we are to wash our wives. Okay? Husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself. But he's saying that um Yeshua washed his bride. He washed and cleansed her, sanctified her by the washing of the water of the word. And so husbands ought to also love their wives in like manner. Um and so husbands, we need to make it a priority to wash our wives in the water of the word. Okay. So what does that mean? It means that we are constantly speaking the word of God to our wives. We are teaching the word of God to our wives. We are leading our wives in Bible study. We are leading our wives in disciplehip. We are leading our wives in her walk with the Lord. Okay? We are washing her in the water of the word to make her a godly wife. Yeshua wants a holy bride and we should want holy brides as well. Holy wives as well. And so to to have a holy wife, we need holy godly men to lead their their wives. And so if you want a holy wife, you need to lead your wife in godly ways. Lead her in prayer. Lead her in Bible study. Lead her in the word. Wash her in the word. And we do this by following Yeshua and leading according to his example. Okay? Loving your wife as Christ loved the church is the standard for male headship. Okay, I I want to say again, loving your wife as Christ loved the church is the standard for male headship. All right, what that means is that headship is about loving your wife. That's what biblical male headship is about. Is about loving your wife as Christ loved the church. And if you are not loving your wife the way Christ loved the church, then you are not modeling biblical male headship. Okay? If you're not doing it in love, you're not doing it right. And so love should be the motivation. Love should be the outcome. Love should be um the guiding factor in how you lead your family. And so if you're not doing it in love, then you're doing it wrong. You're not leading well. Um, it's not about bossing her around or making her your servant, okay? It's the opposite. It's about you being her servant. It's about you serving her. It's about you being willing to get on your knees and wash her feet. Okay? Um, you know, this is Yeshua led by example and he said, "I came to serve." And he said, "Go and do likewise." He he told us to be servants as well. He said, "If you want to be great, become a servant. You want to be a great leader, be a servant. That's what Yeshua said. And so, if we want to be good leaders in our home, we need to be servants in our home. Um, and so I want to read John 13. This is where Yeshua washed the disciples feet. And I want to start at verse 13. I want you to listen to what Yeshua said when he washed their feet. You call me teacher and lord and you say well for so I am. Okay. So again uh he is the head, he is the lord. He is the master. And he he confirms that. He says yes I am. He says if if then I your lord and teacher have washed your feet, you also ought to wash one another's feet. For I have given you an example that you should do as I have done to you. Most assurely, I say to you, a servant is not greater than his master, nor is he who is sent greater than he who sent him. If you know these things, blessed are you if you do them. Okay? So, he says, "I'm your Lord and Master and I'm washing your feet and you need to do likewise. you need to follow my example. Do what I have done. And so does this mean that we literally need to wash our wives feet. Maybe maybe it does. Um I, you know, I would encourage you husbands, it's not a bad idea to wash your wife's feet once in a while. Surprise her with it. um you know, have a romantic dinner and get down on your knees and wash her feet and massage her feet. It's a beautiful gesture of love to your wife. I I'm telling you, I I think that she would really appreciate that and really like that. But that doesn't mean you have to wash your feet every day. Doesn't mean you have to wash your feet regularly all the time. But it's not a bad idea to do it at least once in a while, you know, on a special occasion to to really be romantic. It would be an amazing uh gesture of love. And so, just put that, make a note of that and stick it in your pocket and say, "This is something I'm going to do sometime." Surprise her with it. Um but more than that, more than just washing our feet literally, okay, it means that we need to have a posture towards our wives of that of a servant. Okay. Um we need to posture oursel towards our wives as that of a servant. How can I help you? What do you need from me? What can I do for you? That needs to be our attitude towards our wives. Um, and so you know, you see your wife stressed and you go turn, you say, "What's wrong? How can I help you? What are you stressed about? What can I do to help?" That's an attitude of I want to serve. I want to help. Um, you know, your wife is busy doing the dishes and you come up and you say, "Hey, can I help you? Can I can I dry the dishes? You wash, I dry. Um, can I help put them away?" You know, whatever. um you know the wife your wife is making dinner and you say hey how can I help how can I help you with dinner what do you need what can I do that's an attitude of service you are you are making yourself available to her as a servant and Yeshua said we're if we want to lead well we need to be servants if you want to be a a good leader you need to be a good servant and so as husbands we need to lead by example we need to serve and lead through service. Um, that's what biblical headship should look like. It's not about dominating your wife. It's not about commanding and barking orders at her and telling her what to do. That's that's the way the world sees headship. That's the way the world looks at headship. Um, that's not the way the Bible portrays headship. That's not the way Yeshua portrayed headship. Remember, Yeshua is the head of the church. How did he lead the church? He gave his life for her. Okay? He poured himself out into death for her to save her, to wash her, to cleanse her. Our We should do the same for our wives. We should be willing to do whatever it takes for our wife. And you know, sometimes that means fighting for your marriage. You know, men, if you're in a marriage that's not going well, you need to fight for your marriage. Um, do what it takes to to get your marriage in order, to save your marriage, to save your wife. Okay? Many people mistakenly think that headship is a privileged position, but that is worldly thinking. Okay? Many people think that being the head is a privileged position. It's like I'm the CEO of my home. I'm the president of my home and everybody just does what I say. That's not what it's about. Headship is is about responsibility. It means you bear the responsibility of what happens in your home. You bear the responsibility of whether your kids grow up to love God or if they run away and and become uh heathen. You bear that responsibility as the husband, as the head. You bear the responsibility of your of your wife whether she is happy and joyful and loves the Lord and is content in her marriage and in her home. You bear that responsibility. If she is miserable and um depressed and hates life, you bear that responsibility. Okay. Um, biblical headship is a call to lead spiritually, to protect, to provide, to love, and to discipline with compassion. Okay? To to lead spiritually, to protect, to provide, to love, and to discipline. And all that is done with love and compassion. Okay? Leading spiritually. A godly man prays, teaches, uh, he prays for his family. He teaches the word to his family and he shepherds his home. Okay? Uh just as your pastor is responsible for for shephering the church, you as the head are responsible for shephering your home. And so it means you set the tone. You set the standard. Um do you pray before meals? Do you pray before bed? Do you pray with your family in the morning? Um do you lead your family in Bible study? Do you teach your family the word? Do you give um you know disciple uh uh not what's the word? Do you give teachings to your children? Biblical teachings to your children? Do you uh do you disciple them? Do you um do devotionals? That's the word I was looking for. Do do devotionals with your kids? Um you don't have to come up with sermons, but teach them. take take everyday situations and use that as a as a a way to teach them, you know, um as you're playing with them and they have questions, answer their questions and show point them to scripture. When you're disciplining them, explain why what they did was wrong. And if it's something you can show them a scripture, show them a scripture um and teach them scripture throughout throughout the day. in in you know everything you say and do to them you can use as ways to teach them and to model Christlike behavior to them. Um you know you can use examples from everyday life as teaching examples to point them to Yeshua. And so you lead spiritually in your home. Um you protect your your family like a shepherd guarding the sheep. um you defend your family from spiritual and physical harm. Okay? So most most men, most husbands understand that protecting your family from physical harm. You know, if a an invader comes in the house, most men are going to be the one to to stand up and defend their home. Whether that means grabbing a gun or whether that means calling the police or uh grabbing your family and getting them out of the house to safety, um you know, they they understand that's their responsibility. whatever, you know, whatever the situation calls for, they know what to do. But what does it mean to protect them spiritually? Okay. Are you guarding the eyes of your children from things they shouldn't see? Are you guarding the ears of your children from things they shouldn't hear? Are you protecting them? Are you protecting your wife and her eyes and her ears from things she shouldn't see or hear? Are you protecting them spiritually? Are you praying over your home? Are you praying over your wife and your kids, protecting them from the attack of the enemy? Spiritually protecting them, covering them in your prayers. Um, you know, protecting your home is more than just being willing to fight off uh physical enemy. You're you're you're also supposed to be fighting off spiritual enemies. Okay. Uh the next thing is to provide. Uh the Bible says, "If a man doesn't provide for his home, he is denied the faith." I want to show you that verse because this is important. First Timothy uh verse five uh chapter 5 verse 8. But if anyone does not provide for his own and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever. Okay, this is this is something that a lot of men need to realize. Men, if you are lazy and you're not providing for your home, it says you're worse than an unbeliever. You need to be providing for your home. Okay? You need to go out and earn a living. You need to go out and work and and figure out how to provide and take care of your family. Don't leave that to your wife. That is your responsibility as the man. Now, you know, maybe there's a scenario where, you know, you you have no arms and you have no legs and um you don't have a way to go out and work a job. That's a possibility. But if you have arms and legs, if you have the ability to work, you you don't have an excuse. You need to do you need to work. You need to provide for your home. Okay? If you are not providing for your home and and you know you're just being lazy, it says you're worse than an worse than an unbeliever. Okay? This is this is an attack on your faith. It's saying you don't have faith in God. You are not a godly man. You are not a believer. You are not a follower of Yeshua if you are not providing for your family. That's what it's saying here. You're worse than an unbeliever. Okay? So, uh, I I don't want to hear excuses. You, if you are a husband, if you're a father, you have a responsibility to provide for your family. Okay? You lost your job. Find another one. Okay? Get, you know, work somewhere. Get a job at McDonald's flipping burgers. Get get a job at Walmart sacking groceries. Get a job somewhere. Do something. get a job. You can't you can't be lazy. You can't not provide for your family. If you are not providing for your family, you are not you're not even a believer according to the Bible. You're worse than an unbeliever. Okay? You need to provide for your family. That should be a priority. If you're a husband and a father, that should be your priority in life. Provide for your home. Okay? Uh, next thing I want to look at is love. Biblical headship is about love. And um, it's it's not just emotional and it's not conditional. Okay, that's something you got to understand is it's the kind of love that is is beyond condition. You love your wife unconditionally. You love your kids unconditionally. And it's not just emotional. It's not just I feel good about her right now. I feel in love with her. It is a sacrificial love. And if you heard that song, old song by DC Talk in the 90s, it says love is a verb. Okay, that's that's what I want you to remember. Love is a verb. It's something you do. It's how you treat that person. It's what you do to them. Are you doing loving things to that person? Are you showing kindness and compassion to them? Or are you cruel? Are you mean? Are you hateful? Are you spiteful? Are you um are you hurting them? Okay. And so, we're supposed to walk in love. Love is long-suffering. The Bible says love is patient. It endures hardship. It endures hard things. Loving them even when it's hard, even when it's difficult, you love them anyway. Um, and remember the kind of love that Yeshua has for the church is sacrificial love. It's he loves so much he gave his own life for us. Um and even when his disciples rejected him, denied him, ran away, the people who the crowds who were previously chanting hosana, hosana in the highest, you know, the Messiah's arrived and following him around by the thousands are now yelling, "Crucify him! Crucify him." He said, "Forgive them." Okay, we need to have that kind of love towards our wife and our kids. Even when they hurt us, we need to say, "Forgive them. I forgive them. Father, forgive them." Being willing to forgive those who hurt us. That's the kind of love that headship requires. That's biblical headship is loving so much that you forgive them when they hurt you. Even if they didn't ask for it. Remember, they didn't ask Yeshua for forgiveness when he was hanging on the cross and he said, "Forgive them for they do not know what they do." They weren't asking for forgiveness. They were asking for his his blood. They were asking for him to be crucified. He said, "Forgive them anyway." That's the kind of forgiveness we need to have is that we forgive even when they don't ask for it. Even when they don't deserve it, we forgive them anyway. That's the kind of sacrificial love that we're supposed to have. Um, it's easy to love when they love us, right? It's easy to love love someone else who loves us. Yeshua talked about this. He says, you know, uh, the pagans, they they can love somebody when when people love them back. He says, I want you to love your enemies. It's one thing to love your friends. It's something else to love your enemies. This shows us the kind of love that God wants us to have. It's love that loves even when we they don't love us. Okay. When someone hates you, you love them anyway. That's the kind of love we're supposed to have. That's biblical headship. That is what the kind of love that a husband and a father are supposed to have for his family. Loving no matter what. Um, and we're supposed to discipline with compassion. Okay? Life uh uh like a father trains a child in love, not in anger. Okay? So we're supposed to discipline in love, not in an anger. We're supposed to discipline in compassion, not in an anger. Okay? And along with discipline is disciplehip. We're supposed to disciple them. And disciplehip is about teaching them the right way to go. Um and so again, this isn't about being a dictator. It's about being a servant leader under divine authority. All right. And now I want to talk about headship in the church. And um we're going to start in 1 Timothy chapter 2. Uh but I know this topic is a little controversial and um there's a lot of people in the world today and a lot of people in the church today who are opposed to biblical headship in the church, which doesn't make sense. Um how can you claim to be following God if you're not following his instructions about headship? Okay. But let's let's go to 1 Timothy 2:12. It says, "And I do not permit a woman to teach or to have authority over a man, but to be in silence. For Adam was formed first, then Eve." And Adam was not deceived, but the woman being deceived fell into transgression. Okay. So here we see Paul saying, I do not permit a woman to teach or to have authority. Okay? I do not permit a woman to teach or have authority over man, but to be in silence. Okay? So this this is you can see this both in the home and in the church. The woman is not to to have authority over the man in the home and the woman is not to have authority over men in the church. The man is supposed to be the head of the home and men are supposed to be in leadership in the church. They're supposed to be the teachers and the leaders in the church. Um, and again, he went to Adam and Eve for Adam was formed first, then Eve. Okay? He's going to creation is saying this is God's created order according to scripture. Okay? It's rooted in in creation, not in culture. And unfortunately, we live in a world where culture is dictating to the church what is supposed to happen. And so, according to our culture, we're supposed to allow women to be pastors. We're supposed to allow women to be teachers. We're supposed to allow women to have authority in the church according to the culture, according to feminist mind, feminist mentality, feminist mindset. You know, they want a fe a woman president. They want women CEOs. They want women in charge of the churches. This is this is a Jezebel spirit. This a Jezebel mindset. The woman to dominate man and to put man under her foot. That's a Jezebel mindset. And we can't allow that kind of thing in our church. You can't allow women to be pastors in your church. And churches who allow women to be pastors um steer clear because they're not following scripture. they're not walking according to God's word. We see that um in chapter 3, he's talking about elders and um elders and deacons and leadership in the church. Um but notice that it's always men. It's men that are the leaders. Men are the elders. Men are the deacons. And um they're to have godly wives, though. Okay. So uh we say here this is a faithful saying if man desires the position of bishop which is another word for elder he desires a good work. A bishop then must be blameless. The husband of one wife. Okay so notice he is a husband. Um a wife is not a bishop. A wife is not an elder. The husband is the elder. The husband is the bishop. And he has a he's a husband of one wife. temperate, soberminded, of good behavior, hospitable, able to teach, not given to wine, not violent, not greedy for money, but gentle, not quarrelome, not covetous, one who rules his own house well, having his children in submission with all reverence. Okay, so we see that he is a husband and a father who manages his house well. He rules it well. He is a good overseer of his home. Or if a man does not know how to rule his own house, how will he how will he care for the church of God? Okay, if if he doesn't know how to take care of his own family, if he doesn't know how to govern his own home, how is he going to lead the church? If he can't lead his own home, how can he lead the church? And so having your house in order is extremely important for you to be a leader in the church. also says he is not to be a novice less being puffed up with pride he fall into the same condemnation as the devil. Okay, he's not to be a new believer. He's not to be a novice. Um and this is something we see oftentimes is people um they're new believers, they come to faith, they have a great zeal, a great passion for God and for his word and they, you know, somebody says, "Hey, you need to be a teacher." And they start sticking them in the pulpit. Or they start a YouTube channel and they say, "Hey, I'm going to I'm going to become an online teacher." and they start teaching start teaching. They're new believers. They they're brand new Christians and they're out there trying to teach other people. That's that's out of order. They they they're not ready to be teachers yet. And you know, I often go to the the parable of the I mean, not the parable, but the the the commandment concerning the fruit trees in the Old Testament. He says, you know, when you plant a fruit tree, the first three years you're not to eat of his fruit. The fourth year you dedicate it to God and the fifth year you can eat of his fruit. And so, you know, you look at someone becoming a teacher, they shouldn't be teaching for the first four years at least at the very minimum. you know, they they should be Christians for at least four or five years before they would ever be considered allowed to teach because they're not going to be putting off good fruit. Okay? And and so the idea you can't be a novice, you can't be a new believer. You can't be new to the faith. Um because you're going to get puffed up with pride. If you if you're new to the faith and you get a position as a teacher or leader, elder, deacon, whatever, um you're going to get full of pride. you're going to get all puffed up because you haven't gone through the right process to humble you, to make you a man of God so that he can use you in in leadership and in ministry. Um, also, you know, notice he says that they're supposed to be the husband of one wife. Um, if if you're not a husband, how are you going to be able to lead the church? You don't know how to lead your home. Part of learning how to to be a good leader in the church is to learn how to be a good leader in your home. This is where the Catholic Church gets it all wrong. Um they make their their priests and their um nuns celibate and they make them take a vow of celibacy. And so all their bishops and their priests and their uh highranking people in the church, they they're not married. They don't have wives. They don't have kids. Well, how in the world are they supposed to lead the church if they can't lead their own home? They have no home. They have no family. They have no wife, no children. How can they be expected to be good leaders in the church? You you have to have that training ground. Being a good leader in your home, learning how to to manage your home well, learning how to be a good husband and a good father so that then you can learn know how to manage and and govern the church. And so this is it's important. It's not just that he's the husband of only one wife, but it's the he's the husband of of one wife. that he has a wife. Somebody who's single, who's never had a wife, I would never consider for position as an elder in the church. He's he's not qualified. He doesn't have a wife. He doesn't have a family. He doesn't know how to manage his house. All he can do is manage himself. He needs a wife. And and that godly wife will help balance him out and temper him and make him a godly man who can lead well. And so that godly wife is very important to have a godly elder, to have a godly deacon, to go have a godly pastor. He needs a godly wife. And godly women are very important in this in this scenario. Um you you know you look at Proverbs 31 where he talks about a a a virtuous wife and what it says in there is that a virtuous wife her husband is seated among the elders of the city and he is well known but it's a credit to her as being a virtuous wife that her husband is well known in the city as an elder is because he has a virtuous wife. If you don't have a virtuous wife how can you expect to be an elder? Okay, we see similar um similar thing in Titus. Titus chapter 1 and we'll start in verse five. Okay, for this reason I left you in that you should set in order the things that are lacking and appoint elders in every city as I commanded you. Okay, so he's telling Titus to set things in order. Again, it's about order, godly order. Uh God God is not a god of chaos. He's a god of order. Satan is the one who brings about chaos. God brings about order. And uh to appoint elders in every city. Okay? So part of bringing order in the church is by appointing elders. And then he goes on, he says, 'If a man is blameless, if a man, not if a woman, if a man is blameless, the husband of one wife, having faithful children, not accused of dissipation or insubordination. Okay, so he's a man. He has a wife and he has children and he has raised his children well and they are disciplined and they walk uprightly. They are not uh accused of dissipation or insubordination. They're they're not insubordinate. They're not rebellious children. Okay? For a bishop must be blameless, a hus a a steward of God, not self-willed, not quick-tempered, not given to whine, not violent, not greedy for money. Okay? So here he says he's a steward. He's a steward of God. He's a steward of what God has given. Just as a husband is a steward of the wife and children he's been given, then an elder in the church is a steward of the church, of the people that God has given him. And so he must know how to rule his home well and be a good steward in his home first before he can be a good steward in the church. hospitable, a a lover of what is good, soberminded, just, holy, self-controlled, holding fast the faithful word as he has been taught, that he might be able by sound doctrine both to exhort and convict those who contradict. Okay. Um, so an elder is to be a man and a husband and a father who manages his house well, whose children are not insubordinate. His children are not rebellious. That means he's a good leader. He leads well. He leads in a way that they want to follow him. They're not rebellious against him because he's a servant leader. He's a loving leader. He's a leader who is kind to his family and they love him for it and they want to follow him. That's the kind of leader that we should be as men. Whether you're a husband or whether you're a leader in the church, that's the kind of leadership God wants from us. And when men lead biblically, the church thrives. When men lead biblically, the church does well. But when men abdicate that role, confusion takes over. Because you don't have godly order, you have chaos. When men are not leading in the home, you have chaos. When men are not leading in the church, you have chaos. But when godly men are leading the way God has designed, you have godly order. Um and I want to talk about the fruit of headship. Okay. Uh when men embrace the role as spiritual heads, marriages are strengthened, children are disciplined, uh churches are protected, and society is stabilized. Those are the fruits of godly headship, biblical headship. But when headship is abused, it leads to tyranny. Okay? When when when people lead inappropriately, when they abuse their leadership role, then you have tyranny. And when headship is abandoned, you have chaos. Okay? So just as when uh a a man leaves his wife and he divorces his wife or he abandons her, you know, whether he gets her pregnant, leaves her a to be a single mother to raise the kids or whether he divorces her and and goes off and marries somebody else. In either case, that home is left in chaos. The wife is left to try to do both roles. She's she's got to be provider and caregiver now because she has no husband. And so she's having to fill in the husband's role to be the provider and she's having to fill in still do her role as the caregiver. That's a chaotic home. But when the man is there to be the provider, then the woman can do her role as a as the caregiver. And you you have order in the home. You don't have chaos. Same thing with the church. When women are trying to lead the church, you have chaos. But when godly men are leading the the church the way God has designed, you have godly order. But if you have a man who is leading inappropriately, then you have tyranny. And so there's this fine line that you have to walk for godly headship to to exist. Um, and biblical male headship is not about status. It's about service. Again, it's about how you can serve. And it's not about getting your way. It's about walking in God's ways. Okay? Even when it costs you, even when it cost you everything, do it God's way. God's way is the right way. Um it's not about getting your way. It's about doing things God's way. Um, and we don't get to rewrite the Bible to fit our modern culture, our modern society, our modern way of thinking. You can't rewrite the Bible to fit your ideas. Uh, we need to take the Bible and apply it in our culture and our context and and use biblical principles to govern our lives. Um, and so, you know, back to 1 Corinthians 11, the the head of every man is Christ, and the head of a woman is man, the head of Christ is God. So, the head of woman is man. According to the Bible, the head of man is Christ. Um, you are a steward, man. You are a steward of what God has given you. You are a steward of the wife that God has given you, and you are a steward of the children God has given you. Are you a good steward or are you a bad steward? If you lead well, meaning you provide, protect, love, and discipline your family as a shepherd, uh then you do well and you're pleasing to God. But if you don't lead well, if you don't provide for the family, if you don't protect them, if you don't love them, and if you don't discipline them, then you are a bad steward of what God has given you. and you'll bear the responsibility of leading them astray. Okay? So if if if you uh if you are not leading your children well and they grow up and they become atheists, they grow up and they hate God, they grow up and they leave the church, they grow up and they become uh heathens and criminals, they grow up and they um they become for fornicators and promiscuous. They grow up and they become drug dealers or drug users. They grow up and they become alcoholics. They grow up and they become um abusers of something some some way. You You didn't do your job. You didn't raise them well. And you're responsible. You, the husband, you are responsible for your wayward child. you you are responsible for them not following the Lord because you didn't lead well. You bear that responsibility. Okay? So, right now, you need to be praying for your kids and training your kids in righteousness because you're going to be responsible. Uh, you know, wo, woe to him who leads one of these little ones astray, the Bible says. And so, you don't want to be responsible for leading them astray. uh you need to be responsible for leading them in the right direction. Um and so you know I know at this point there's wives asking what if my husband is not a godly man? Let's look at the other side of the coin. Now the Bible actually speaks about this in 1 Corinthians chapter 7 and we're going to go to verse 13. Oops, there it is. And a woman who has a husband who does not believe, if he is willing to live with her, let her not divorce him. Okay? So, first off, if you have a husband who is not a believer, you're not supposed to divorce him. If he's willing to stay with you, you should stay with him. That's according to the Bible. Okay? So, you don't divorce him just because he's not a believer. And here's the why. Okay. For the husband believing h for the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband. Otherwise, your children would be unclean. But now they're holy. So now he's given both examples. If you have an unbelieving wife, the husband sanctifies the wife. And if you have an unbelieving husband, the wife sanctifies the husband. Okay? So something about you being a believer, whether you're the husband or the wife, you being a believer can bring sanctification to your home. And it says otherwise your children would been be unclean. If you divorce them, your children become unclean. But if you stay married to the unbeliever, your children remain clean. Why? Because you have that influence in their life. You're there to teach them righteousness and you show them in and model godly marriage. Uh but if the unbeliever departs, let them depart. A brother or sister is not under bondage in such cases. But God has called us to peace. So if you're married to an unbeliever and they want to they want to divorce you, they want to get out, that's fine. That's one thing. You know, if they want to leave, let them leave. But if they're willing to stay married to you, then you need to be willing to stay married to them. And he goes on and he says, "For how do you know, oh wife, whether you will save your husband?" Or, "How do you know, oh husband, whether you will save your wife?" Okay, so here we have this question. You're married to an unbeliever and you say, "Well, I don't want to be married to an unbeliever. I want to be married to a believer. He says, "Well, how do you know whether or not you will save them?" By your righteousness, by your godly behavior, by your faith, living out your life in front of them every day, showing them what it means to be showing them what it means to be a believer, to walk in faith, to be a child of God. Your influence on them could have a major impact on their life. and you could cause them to become saved because of your faithfulness to God and your faithfulness to your unbelieving husband or wife. Okay? Wives are commanded to stay with their unbelieving husband even uh they're commanded to stay with their unbelieving husband if he is willing to stay married to her. Okay. Um but it says a couple interesting things. Says the children remain holy. um if you get uh children remain holy if you remain married but if you get divorced the children become unclean and second it says it challenges the wife by saying how do you know a wife whether you will save your husband okay so a godly wife has the potential to save her husband and a godly wife has the potential to keep her family in order to keep her family holy okay to keep her family clean, undefiled. You have that option. But but it's up to you whether you stay married or not. Because if you get divorced, it says your your children are no longer clean and your house is no longer holy. Okay? Um but if you stay married, your husband might get saved. But if you divorce him, you you no longer have influence on him getting saved. Um so how does she do this? She does it by simply living a godly life of faith and her godly example can bring conviction to her husband. And now I want to go to first Peter. First Peter talks about this also. 1 Peter chapter 3 and starting verse one. Wives likewise be submissive to your own husbands that even if some do not obey the word they without a word may be won by the conduct of their wives. when they observe your chasteed conduct accompanied by fear. Do not let your adorement merely be outward arranging the hair, wearing of gold, or putting on fine apparel. Rather, let it be hidden in the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God. For in this manner, in former times, the holy women who trusted in God also adorned themselves, being submissive to their own husbands. And Sarah as Sarah obeyed Abraham calling him Lord whose daughters you are if you do good and are not afraid with any terror. Okay. Um and so here we see uh Peter's instructing wives to be submissive to their husbands even if their husband does not believe or obey the word of God. Now that's that's an interesting statement. Wives, be submissive to your husbands even if they're not obeying God. That's that's a hard thing to say. And I know many wives are like, "Well, but what if what if what if I don't think he's saying you need to disobey God in order to obey your husband?" Like, I don't think he's saying um well, if your husband's telling you you have to break the Sabbath, you should break the Sabbath. I don't think that's what he's saying. You honor God first. and you obey God first. But if submitting to your husband does not mean disobeying God, then submit to your husband. But you know, when it comes to things like um you know, if your husband's telling you to break the Sabbath or your husband's telling you to do something contrary to the word of God, you would stand up and say, "No, I'm sorry. I can't do that. I have to obey God. I love you and and I want to follow you, but I have to obey God. This is what God says I'm supposed to do. said, "This is what I'm going to do." And I think that's appropriate. I don't think he's saying uh bow down and obey your husbands no matter what. I think he's saying be submissive to your husbands, but you still are responsible to obey God. Um God is your your top priority authority. And you think about in the military um you know if you have different ranking officers and so if you have a commander who gives you one thing to do but then the general comes in and gives you something else to do you would obey the general in opposition to the commander right and you would you would tell the commander hey I'm sorry I can't do this because the general told me to do this instead okay because he has authority he ranks and higher authority. And so you would come in and you say, "I'm sorry. The general has given me a greater command than what you have." Same thing with your husband. You know, you you you submit to your husband unless it contradicts what God is saying in his word. And then you would say, "I'm sorry. I can't I can't do this what you're asking me to do because God's word says this, and according to God's word, I have to do this. And I I obey him because he is a higher authority than you." Um but it says that the husband might be one by the conduct of his godly wife. And um well that the conduct of his wife is what? Living according to God's word. And so her her godly conduct is her living according to God's word. So you know it doesn't it doesn't mean you have to obey your husband contrary to God's word. You are still living your conduct is according to God's word. So you have godly conduct and that is how you win your husband. Um and it's interesting he gives an example of women of old, holy women who trusted God and were submissive to their husbands. And then he listed Sarah specifically and he said Sarah called Abraham Lord and obeyed him. And I know that a lot of women right now are cringing at the idea of calling your husband Lord. Um, but this is scripture and scripture says this is godly. This is what a godly wife looks like. She submits to her husband and she calls him Lord and she obeys him. Um, and I didn't come up with this. God did. Right? So, let me go back there again. Sarah obeyed Abraham calling him Lord whose daughters you are if you do good and are not afraid with any terror. Okay. um doing following Sarah's example is portrayed as a godly thing to do. Um now the husbands don't you you don't get off super easy with this though. I want to point now to what Peter says to the husbands. He says, "Husbands, likewise dwell with them with understanding, giving honor to the wife as to the weaker vessel and as being heirs together of the grace of God that your prayers may not be hindered." Okay, so um he says, "Dwell with them with understanding, giving honor to your wife." Okay, this this is important because he says, "If you don't do this, your prayers are going to be hindered. If you don't understand your wife and give honor to your wife, your prayers are hindered. Um, now I can't tell you how many times during marriage counseling, the wife will say something along the lines of, "My husband just doesn't understand me." Or, "My husband doesn't listen to me. Why? Why? Why is your wife coming to me saying you don't understand her or you aren't listening to her? As a husband, you should make it a priority to listen to your wife and to understand her to try to figure out what she's saying. And maybe that means asking questions. You know, she says something and you say, "Well, what do you mean by that? Help me understand you better. What are you dealing with? Help me understand what you're struggling with. Why? Why are you feeling this way? Help me understand. And seek to understand her. Okay. If you can seek to understand her, I I would bet that most of the conflict you feel in your marriage is because you didn't understand her. And you know, if you guys can work through those things and you can come to a place where you understand your wife and you honor her, um things are going to go a lot easier, a lot better, a lot smoother. You guys are going to have a better marriage because of it. And so husbands, um you need to make a priority to understand your wife. Um but you know, when when a wife says your husband doesn't listen to her or he doesn't understand her, this tells me a couple things. Um, first it could be that the wife is not communicating well. Maybe he doesn't understand her because she's just not communicating well. Um, the second option is that the husband is not listening or trying to understand. So, she may be trying to communicate but he's not listening and he's not trying to understand. He just it's in one ear and not the other. Um, and sometimes both are possible and you know in many cases both are happening. Um, but I want to place the burden on the husband. And I think the Bible here is placing the burden on the husband. It says husbands dwell with them with understanding, giving honor to the wife. Um, and so the the the burden is placed on the husband to find understanding, to seek understanding. If if your wife is trying to communicate with you and you're not understanding her, then seek to understand her. Try to figure out what she's saying. Ask her questions. help her to, you know, ask her to clarify. Um, give her examples and say, "Do you mean this?" No. Okay. What do you mean? Whatever you need to do, figure out how to communicate with your wife so that you can understand her and so that she can understand you. And give her honor. Don't belittle her. Don't make her feel dumb. Don't make her feel lesser. Give her honor. give her respect and understand her. Have an understanding about what she's going through, what she's thinking, what she's feeling. Um, understand her side of you, her perspective, her opinion. Um, you know, if you notice something's bothering your wife, it's your responsibility to ask her what's bothering you. If she seems down and depressed and sad, you it's your responsibility to ask her and say, "What's wrong? What are are you sad about something? Are you upset about something? It's your responsibility as the husband to seek to understand her. Um, and you know, wives when he asks you be honest with him. You know, so many times a husband's like, "What's wrong?" And she's like, "Oh, nothing. I'm fine." That's not helpful. He's trying to help you. Help him. Help him help you. He asks you what's wrong, tell him what's wrong. Um, you know, that's how communication works. And so often problems in marriage is because people don't communicate. And so, husbands, you need to dwell with your wife with understanding, seeking to understand them and honor them. Otherwise, your prayers are hindered. Why are your prayers hindered? Because if you're not willing to listen to your wife and understand her, why should God listen to you? Why should God hear your prayers if you're not hearing your wife? But this is about order, not chaos. Um, biblical headship is about order in the home, not chaos. It's about peace in the home, not strife. If you're seeking to understand each other, you're seeking to communicate, you're seeking to um uh reconcile, you're you're seeking forgiveness, you're loving, those are the things that you do to nurture and cultivate a godly home. Those bring order, those bring peace. um when you're arguing and you're fighting and you're yelling and you're calling names and you're belittling and you're slandering and you're um hurting them in different ways whether physically or uh verbally. Uh whe when you are um not seeking understanding, when you are just seeking to uh speak over whatever they're saying and let yourself be heard without understanding them, you're creating chaos. Um, godly headship is about love and compassion and self-sacrifice. It's not about lording over someone as a dictator. And remember what Yeshua said to the disciples about leadership. I want to turn to Matthew chapter 20 and we're going to look at verse 25. But Jesus called them to himself and said, "You know that the rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and those who are great exercise authority over them. Yet it shall not be so among you. But whoever wants to become great among you, let him be your servant. And whoever desires to be first among you, let him be your slave." Just as the son of man did not come to be served but to serve and to give his life as a ransom for many. Okay. Um here we see Yeshua again giving us the example of servantthood, serving, being willing to sacrifice, being willing to lay down our life for the one we love. That's what godly leadership looks like. Um, being a godly leader according to Yeshua is about sacrifice and serving. Um, and as men, we need to understand this. Um, it's not about telling your wife what to do. It's about serving her, loving her, and leading her as you follow Yeshua. Biblical male headship is part of God's divine order. It brings order in the chaos. Um, it's a reflection of the relationship between Messiah and his bride. Having a godly biblical marriage is a reflection of God's relationship to his people as as the bride and and the groom. Yeshua is the groom and we are his bride. And marriage is supposed to be a reflection of that. And so our marriage should be a reflection of that. And so husbands should love the way Christ loved and the church should serve and and um submit to uh the the wife should serve and submit to her husband the way the church serves and submits to Christ. And so it should be a beautiful picture of our relationship with God. And when it's done right, it is beautiful. Um unfortunately, so many times it's not done right. When lived out in humility, it becomes a picture of love, strength, and leadership that blesses everyone it touches. Okay? godly biblical headship is is a picture of love, strength, and leadership that blesses everyone involved. Okay? And if it's not if it's not modeling love um and it's not blessing those involved, maybe you're doing something wrong and you need to re reevaluate. But men, we need to step up and lead our homes the way Yeshua uh calls us to lead. Okay? Okay. And this means you need to shepherd your family. You need to serve your wife. You need to guard uh guard your own purity as well as the purity of your home. You need to teach your children raising them up in the word of God, discipling them and instructing them in righteousness. And you need to do all this in the spirit of love and servantthood. Okay? Uh because after all, you're a servant of the most high God. Um, our wives don't need passive men or power- hungry men. Right? Think about that. Wives don't want passive men. They want they don't want lazy men. They don't want men who are apathetic. They don't want men who are disconnected and uninvolved. That's not what the wife wants. They they don't want men who are um just going to uh cower and um hide and and act weak. But they don't want men who are power- hungry, who want to dominate and rule and and uh abuse and conquer and uh dictate. They want godly men, men who lead like Yeshua. That's what your wife wants. That's what your wife needs. And you know, I didn't even look to see what next week was about, but uh let me look and see what we're doing next week. And so next week we are going to be talking about um head coverings and modesty. Okay. So we touched on head coverings a little bit today um just as we're looking at biblical headship. And then next week we're going to dive deeper into head coverings and modesty. And what is what does biblical modesty look like? And what how should we be um modeling biblical modesty in our homes and out in public and in the church. Um and so hopefully this will be a uh helpful topic and I hope it's something that you guys look forward to. Anyway, um I appreciate you guys sticking with me. I know tonight was long. Um it was a lot longer than I thought it was going to be. I hope the information tonight was good and helpful and um anyway, I hope you guys have a great week and we will uh talk to you next week. Thanks. Thank you for joining me on Let's Talk Biblical. If you enjoyed this episode, then share it with your friends and keep the conversation going. Be sure to subscribe so you don't miss anything. And I look forward to chatting with you again next week. Until next time, keep talking biblical. Shalom.