Biblical Secrets to Being a Godly Husband (Most Men Ignore)| Let's Talk Biblical

If you love talking about the Bible as much as I do, then I think you'll really enjoy this show. Welcome to Let's Talk Biblical, the podcast where we dig deep into the heart of scripture, explore timeless truths, and have real conversations about what the Bible says and how it applies to us. My name is Lex and I want to thank you for joining me on today's episode. So, grab your Bible, get comfortable, and let's talk biblical. Happy birthday, Amanda. So, I love you and I am so blessed to have you as my wife and I just want the whole world to know. And um anyway, I hope you have a wonderful birthday and I love you very much. So, today we are going to be talking about uh what it is to be a godly husband. um talking about the secrets to being a godly husband. And the problem is most men ignore these things. So, uh I want to start by asking the men out here a question. And the question is, what is the number one job God gave you as a husband to do? And I want you to go ahead and post it in the chat. And I want to look at those uh comments. So, just real quick, men, what is the number one job gave you to do as a husband? Right. Waiting for the chat. Okay. Um, so I've got I think I've got a lag between whenever I speak and whenever people hear it. So I got to give it just a second to catch up. Okay. So, Ethan says, "Work for to provide for his family." Okay. What's the number one job gig God gave you as a man? As a husband. Uh, love my wife like Yeshua loves the church, even giving my life for her. Okay. Anybody else? Okay, so I've got work for and provide for family and love my wife like you sure love the church giving my life for. Those are the only two comments I've got so far. Anybody else have any comments? What is the number one job God gave you as a husband? Okay. So, what we've come up with so far is to work for and provide for his family and love my wife like you should love the church. Oh, here's one more. Love your wife as Christ loved the church and gave himself for her. Okay, so we've got a theme here. Um, and and I think that those things are great and really important. We're going to touch on some of those things in this video, but there's actually some things uh that we're going to talk about that has not been mentioned yet, which is great because that means uh you're going to you're going to maybe learn something. So, um Okay, beheaded the house. Yep, there's another one. All right. So, uh, today we're going to be, uh, talking about the biblical secret to being a godly husband and, uh, the kind of man that your wife respects, that your children admire, and one that God approves of. And I I'm saving the most important one for last. So, you want to stick around uh because it actually just might save your marriage. So, first off, I want to start with God's original blueprint for husbands. And to do this, we need to start in Genesis chapter 2. And we're going to go to verse 18. And the Lord said, "And the Lord God said, it is not good that man should be alone. I will make him a helper comparable to him." Okay, so God said, "It's not good for man to be alone. I'm going to make him a helper." And this um this is important to understand is that God didn't create woman to be your assistant. Um she's not your secretary. She's not your personal assistant. She is your partner. And um she's supposed to be a a counterpart, a helpmate, a uh completion of who you are. And so God saw that Adam was alone and he needed somebody to help him. He needed somebody to be with him. It was not good for him to be alone. Um so the woman is created to uh to come beside the man and to help him to um to bring fullness to his life. And um Adam was given the role to love and to protect and to cherish his wife. And what we see is that marriage was designed as a covenant of mutual honor and unity. And this means your leadership as a husband is is not about domination. Okay? It's about partnership and and working together in unity. And God's design is in verse 24. God talks about how the two will become one. And so, let's just go and jump over to verse 24. Therefore, man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. Okay. So um God's idea for marriage is that the two become one that there's a unity between husband and wife that they're together as one. And the word used there is a means a unity. It's the same word we see when it says here you know the the schma hero Israel the lord our god the lord is one. Um and so it's this idea of a unity and when you think about how um the godhead works together the father son and holy spirit are one. They're unified. They are together and they have the same goals, the same purpose, the same mission, uh the same will. They they partner together and work together in all things and they never contradict one another and they never oppose one another. It's the same kind of relationship we're supposed to have with our wife is that we're always working together. We don't contradict each other. We don't oppose each other. We are partners and um on the same page. And uh so being unified with your wife should be the highest priority in your marriage. Okay? More than anything else, your priority should be that you and your wife are one. And so many times I see um within marriage that the parents of the husband or the wife often times take a priority over the husband or the wife. And that that shouldn't be um your husband, you know, men, your wife should be your priority, not your parents. Um wives, your husband should be your priority, not your parents. And so we got to make sure that parents don't get in the way. And then also, we see in marriage a lot of times that the children take priority over the marriage. And so, you know, husband and wife have children. That's great. And they should uh love their children, take care of their children, and and uh the children should be important to them. But they should not have more priority than the husband and the wife. And so the marriage should take top priority. And often times we see once once kids get in the mix that the priority towards your wife is diminished and you don't make her as much of a priority as you do the kids or she doesn't make you as much priority as she does the kids. And you should make sure that being unified with your wife is the top priority. Um, and some of the things I'm going to talk about today is going to uh help you become more unified with your wife. Okay. Um, God made Eve from Adam's rib. And this is significant because the rib, the rib cage is what protects the most important organs. It protects your heart. It protects your lungs. It protects your vital organs, the things that uh you know where life comes from. And God made Eve from that area um that protects the vital organs and and especially the heart. And so when you think about that's the role of the wife is she is supposed to protect the heart of her husband. She is supposed to guard and protect her husband and preserve his life. But when we think about a man who is um you know maybe going to battle or something, what does he do? He wears a protective armor over his vital organs so that he is not damaged. But that that protective armor is to protect uh the rib cage as well. And so you know so for example a police officer may wear a bulletproof vest or a soldier uh you know even even long long time ago before bulletproof vest they would wear like chain mail or some kind of a leather uh protective gear that would protect them from swords and spears and things like that. So, it's like an armor. Well, the wife functions like an armor, but the man also needs to protect his wife. He needs to protect his rib cage. And so, he's got to guard her and protect her also um so that she can do her job in protecting him. And so, now uh Ephesians 5 was mentioned earlier, and that is actually one of the first places I want to go. And so Ephesians 5 is what I would consider the gold standard um for what marriage should look like. And we talked about this uh couple weeks ago when we talked about a godly wife. And we're going to look now at the man's role in that. Um and we're going to look at verse we're going to start verse 25. says, "Husbands, love your wives just as Christ also loved the church and gave himself for her." Okay, so we see here that um the the comparison that's being made is Christ's relationship to his church, Yeshua's relationship with his church. And that's the husband's role is to mirror Christ, to mirror Yeshua in the family, in the home. And so we have a a huge responsibility. Okay, it's not um you know often times people think like well there's you know so many things that you know the wife is they're told the wife is told to submit and things like that and the husband always gets off easy. It's it's actually the opposite. Um the wife gets off easy. The husband is the one who has bears the responsibility in the marriage. Um if the marriage succeeds then the husband uh you know he he receives credit for that. But if the marriage fails, the husband is to blame. And so whatever happens in the marriage, it falls on the husband. If your marriage is good, that's that's good. You know, that means your husband is leading well. If your marriage is bad, that's bad. It means that the husband is not leading well. Okay? But he bears the responsibility of how the how the the marriage goes. Um because he's the head. Okay? Um but the Bible says that you are called to love your wife as Christ loved the church. And um this is what I would say is probably the highest calling a man can have. And we are called to be like Christ in our relationship with our wife. Okay. Um you know and we look to we look to Yeshua as he is the example of everything we need to be as men and as we see how he interacted with his with his bride with his church. That is how we should be towards our bride and loving and caring for her even so much that we're willing to give our own life for her. But you know the thing is it's easy to say, "Oh yeah, I'd lay down my life for her. I'd take a bullet for her. I', you know, I' I'd uh jump in front of a car to save her." You know, that's actually the easy part. That's the thing that men are like, "Oh, yeah, check. I can do that. No problem." Um, it's it's harder when you start thinking about what is what does laying down your life mean? And we're going to get into that in a second. But, um, I think men are sabotaging their marriage. Uh, because not because they don't care, because they do care, but it's because they're looking at it the wrong way. They're following the wrong blueprint. They're not doing what God has designed them to do. And I want to look at verse 28 and 29 real quick. Um, so husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it just as the Lord does the church. Okay, so uh remember in Genesis 2 uh where it says the two will become one flesh. Okay, this is this is tying in with that. The two will become one flesh. And you you honor your flesh. You nourish your flesh. You don't starve yourself. You don't deprive yourself of things that your body needs. Um you know, if you're thirsty, you you drink something. If you're hungry, you eat something. Um you know what? When when your body needs something, you give it that thing it needs. You don't deprive your body intentionally to try to hurt your body. Um, now I understand there's times whenever you say, "Well, I really want a cookie, but I know it's not good for me." And so you deprived yourself of that cookie, even though you really want it because you know what's best. And that could be the same kind of scenario, too, that um, you know, you you see what's best for your wife and that's what you do for her. But the the point is uh, you're not starving yourself of nutrition, of nourishment. Why are you maybe I shouldn't say why are you Some men deprive their wives of nourishment. They're not they're not nourishing and cherishing their wives. Um their wives are starving for love. They're starving for affection. They're starving for uh compliments. They're starving for attention. And the men are completely oblivious to it. Um they're starving their wives. They're not nourishing and cherishing them. And so, um, I I want you to ask yourself a question, men. Is your wife more secure, more encouraged, and more radiant because of the way you love her? Okay. Is she more secure, more encouraged? Does she feel cherished by you? Okay. So, now we're going to go back to Christ's love is sacrificial. A man is supposed to be sacrificial in his love towards his wife. So what does that mean? Sacri sacrificial love means that you uh you put down your the remote, right? You're watching TV and your wife needs your attention. Are you going to continue flipping channels and watching your favorite show or whatever? Or you going to put down the remote, turn off the TV, and spend time with your wife? That prioritizes her over whatever nonsense you might have been doing before. uh whatever you might have been watching, which is more important to you, the TV show or loving your wife? Which is more important to you? Um you know, watching your favorite show or cherishing and nurturing your wife and giving her the love and affection that she needs. Okay, so that is sacrifice. You are sacrificing your free time. Okay. What about hobbies? Are you willing to lay down your hobbies for your wife? Um you know, you love to go fishing or golfing or uh you know, whatever. fill in the blank your favorite thing to do, but she needs she needs time. She needs love. She needs attention. Are you going to sacrifice your hobby and spend time with your wife? Are you going to stay home and and nurture and love and cherish your wife or are you going to go play basketball with your buddies? or you're going to go fishing with your buddies or play golf with your buddies or go out in your uh workshop and build something or you know whatever your hobby is which is the priority in your life loving your wife or doing the thing you enjoy. Okay. Um what about uh choosing her needs over your own or her desires over your own? Um, you know, you you have things that you want and desire and are uh, you know, trying to accomplish or whatever. And is is that more important to you or is cherishing your wife more important to you? And so this is where sacrifice becomes more difficult. Right? Again, it's easy to say, "Yeah, I'll jump out in front of the bus or I'll take the bullet or I'll whatever. I'll I'll sacrifice my life to protect her life. That's that's actually the easy part. It's are you willing to sacrifice your time, your desires, your hobbies, your um your wants, your needs, your whatever, the things that are important to you. Are you are you willing to lay those things down for your wife? That's sacrificial love. Okay. Um, and and I'm actually going to say something that might actually sting a little bit for some guys. Um, but I think some men are more faithful to their job or their ministry than they are to their wife. And I I'm saying this from my own personal experience, okay? I I've been there. I've I still struggle with that sometimes because I want to pour my life into my ministry and it is is very important to me. Um you know I I've my my my ministry is my life, right? But I need to remember that my wife is more important than my ministry. My wife takes priority over my ministry. And so I'm speaking to myself as much as anybody that I need to make sure I'm not I'm not getting my priorities out of order. Um that I'm not putting my ministry above my wife. And so we've got to make sure um that our wife takes the the the the correct priority in our life. Um ministry is important, work is important, um providing for your family is important. Don't neglect those things. But remember, don't neglect your wife in order to accomplish those things either. Okay? So, you you just got to make sure that you you're not neglecting your wife in in your attempts to provide for your wife, right? Not neglecting your wife in your attempts to do good for the kingdom of God. Even um the you know the unfortunate thing is there are there are pastors and missionaries and evangelists and uh teachers and all kinds of people doing ministry and they devote their life to ministry and their their marriage falls apart. Their their life is in shambles. Their marriage is in shambles because they spent all their time and focus on ministry and they they neglect their family. they neglect their wife. This is why so many times um pastor's kids are some of the worst kids too because the pastor is is so busy spending time pastoring that he doesn't spend time with his family and his and his children resent him for that and his wife resents him for that and they end up resenting God as well because God takes the priority in their life um instead of instead of their their wife and children. And so the the wife and children end up sometimes resenting God in the process. And so then they turn away from the faith because they see that, you know, God ruined their their family. God ruined their marriage. God ruined their childhood. Um and it wasn't God that did it. It was because the husband wasn't making family and and his marriage a priority. And he was letting other things um he was more faithful to other things than he was to his wife. and children. Um, and you know, when you think about it, that's not a successful ministry either, right? If if you're spending all your time ministering to everybody else, but you're not ministering to your family, you haven't had a successful ministry. And according to the Bible, you're not even qualified to be doing ministry. And so, let's turn to 1 Timothy chapter 3 now. and verse five, for if a man does not know how to rule his own house, how will he take care of the church of God? Okay, so um and let's actually go up one verse to verse four. Uh one who rules his own house well, having his children in submission with all reverence. Um okay so this is this is talking about um elders right and they're supposed to be uh you know bishop is then blameless the husband of one wife temperate soberminded good behavior hospitable able to teach not given to wine not violent not greedy for money but gentle not quarrelsome not covetous one who h who rules his own house well having his children in submission with all reverence for if a man does not know how to rule his own house how will he take care of the church of God okay so if you're not able to um to manage your house. If you're not able to manage uh your family, if you're not able to minister to your family um leading them spiritually and um caring for them, you're not qualified to be in ministry. That is a disqualifier. If you're not able to to minister to your family, well, then how do you expect to minister to God's church? And so, um, so here's here's how you you avoid this problem, right? Uh, you need to be intentional and you need to put up boundaries, okay? You need to have intentional boundaries around your time. You've got to guard your time. You've got to you got to make sure you dedicate time to your wife. If you got to medit make sure you dedicate time to your family and don't let your work or your ministry get in the way of your your family time. Set set time aside and say this is this is special time. This is family time. This is guarded. And don't cross those guards. Don't cross those lines. Um, you can you can prioritize your life and make time for both. You can be a husband and a father and a full-time at whatever your job is and still make time for all of it. You just have to set boundaries and you have to prioritize correctly. Um, you know, establish regular date nights with your wife and guard that time. Make sure that is that is special time that is for you and your wife. You know, whatever whatever you guys can agree upon, whether it's weekly or monthly or or whatever, but set aside certain time just just for you and your wife. Um, you know, if you have kids, get a baby get a babysitter. You need to find time where you can just spend time with your wife, be alone with her. And you know, sometimes that means after the kids go to bed, you have a date night by yourself in, you know, up in your room or something where you just say, you know, shut the door. Uh we're going to spend some time together, just you and me, and and have an in-home date night. You don't have to go out to a fancy restaurant to have a date with your wife. Just having special dedicated set aart time where you just spend time with her. Um that is is important and she will appreciate it. Um, and we also need to learn to say no to things, even if they're good things. Um, if it conflicts with us being able to say yes to our wife, okay? If it conflicts with us being able to spend time with our wife. Um, and so here's here's the thing. Marriage is a covenant, okay? Covenants are extremely um extremely valuable. Um, and covenants require faithfulness. Okay? So, with with God and Israel, um, God made a covenant with Israel and he said that, you know, they broke the covenant. They were not faithful to God. And, you know, Yeshua came and he made a new covenant with us, but he expects us to be faithful in that covenant, faithful to him in that covenant. When you make a covenant with your wife, um, you're expected to have faithfulness to your wife. And that's not just um that's not just about the the marriage bed being kept pure. Okay? Being faithful to your wife is about prioritizing her. It's about spending time with her. It's about making her cherished in your life. You know, you you you make your vows and it's, you know, to to love, honor, and to cherish until death do you part. Okay? It doesn't just it's not just um forsaking all others and being faithful only to her, but it's about loving, honoring, and cherishing her till you die. And so that covenant faithfulness is about u making her a priority in your life as long as you're as long as you both shall live. Um, so then we're going to move on to uh what it means to be a spiritual leader, the head of the house. Okay. Um, you can't be a godly husband if you're not a godly man, right? Um, you have to have a relationship with God. You have to be in a walk with God before you can actually be a godly man. It's it should be pretty obvious to be a godly husband. You have to be a godly man first. So you need to make sure that um you are prioritizing your relationship with God. You are prioritizing spending time with God in the word, spending time in prayer um and and learning letting letting the word transform your life so that you're more and more uh becoming transformed into the image of Yeshua, right? And so um you know Romans 12, right? do not be conformed to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind and that we're washed in the water of the word and that we are transformed uh by the word and that the the truth sets us free and the truth uh of God's word is is what sanctifies us, right? And so it is through spending time in the word that we become godly men. And as we become godly men, then we become godly husbands. And as we become godly husbands, we are able to lead our family well. And so it's it's important. You can't be a godly husband if you're not a godly man. Okay? Um and before you can love her correctly, you need to be filled with the love of Christ. You need to be filled with God's love and you need to learn his love so that you can give that to her. Um and while we're on the topic of love, the Bible commands us to love, right? We are um we are commanded to love our wives. We are commanded to love our enemies. We are commanded to um to love our neighbor. Like there's so many times we are commanded to love this. This not about a feeling. Loving your enemy is not having good positive emotional feelings about your enemy. It's about how you treat that person. And so you treat that that person with love. So you can love your enemy, not have a positive, warm, emotional feeling about the person. So if you can love your enemy in that way, um then that helps us better understand what love looks like. And love is how you treat that person. And so then you go to love your neighbor. How do you treat your neighbor? You love your neighbor. You do good to your neighbor. to um you know you you walk out uh you know what's uh the golden rule right the golden uh the golden commandment right that do unto others you would have them do unto you right treat other people the way you want to be treated and so when you understand that's that's what love looks like then when you come to your marriage you look at your wife and you say well how do I love my wife well the Bible says love your love your wife as your own body. You love her as you would your own self, your own body. And how you you protect your body, you feed and nourish your body, you care for your body, and you want to nurture your wife in the same kinds of ways. Um because she is yours, you are hers, you belong together. You are one. You are unified in in marriage. You have become one. Now, would you want would you want your wife um looking at other men and flirting with other men and um you know, having thoughts about other men? Well, no. You wouldn't want your wife to do that to you, so don't do that to her, right? Um, would you want your wife um treating you in disrespectful ways and talking badly about you to other people and saying negative things about you to her friends? No. If you don't want your wife doing that to you, then why would you do that to her? Um, you know, this is this has always been something that's that has has bothered me is when you get around people sometimes they get really careless with how they talk about their husband or their wife and women, you know, they start gabbing to their girlfriends about how horrible their husband is and what he did and badmouthing their husband to the other ladies. That's not appropriate. That's not okay. But men do the same thing. They get around a bunch of guys u you know around the uh coffee pot or the golf course or you know the the locker room or whatever and they start yakking to their buddies and griping and complaining about their um about their wife and what a nag she is and how horrible she is and how she doesn't do this and doesn't do that. Stop, you know, don't don't speak badly about each other. Um, treat treat your wife the way you would want to be treated. Treat your wives, treat your husband the way you would want to be treated. And whether they're around or not, at all times, treat them with the utmost respect, honoring them, glorifying, and protecting them. Um and you know the thing is if you if you are speaking positively about them even when you know even in bad times um speaking positively about them helps to shift your attitude towards them in a positive way. But if you're speaking negatively about them that actually forces you to shift in a more negative way towards them all the time. And so this is something that I find oftentimes with with marriages where they are struggling and they're they're coming for counsel is that they they don't even know how to talk nicely about each other. They're just, you know, always saying bad things about each other and that's all they know how to do is all they focus on is the negative. They don't even see the positive anymore. They don't even remember why they got married to begin with. And you know the thing is at one point in your life you saw that person as the most valuable person on the planet so much so that you were willing to marry them until death do you part. What changed? Right? They're still that same most valuable person on the planet to you. You just don't realize it anymore. And you've got to re realign your thoughts and remember that she is the wife that God has given you. She is the wife that you chose. She is the wife that you have decided to be in covenant with till death do you part and the covenant is uh is not to be broken. And so when people start throwing around um you know threats of divorce and and things like that that's absolutely absolutely out of place. You you can't do that. You should never threaten divorce ever ever in your marriage. Um, that's the worst thing you can do to to your wife or your husband is is threaten divorce. Because what that does is that destroys trust. Because here's the thing. When you when you commit to marry somebody, you say, "I'm going to love, honor, and cherish this person until death do its part. And for better, for worse, for rich or for poor, in sickness and in and in uh in health, right? No matter what the sit no matter what the circumstance, for better or worse, I'm going to stick with you. No matter how bad it gets, I'm gonna stick with you. But the problem with throwing divorce in is is when things get a little rocky and you throw divorce in, what you're saying is I I wasn't really sincere whenever I said until death to his part. Okay. I didn't really mean through anything that I would be committed to you no matter what. I didn't really mean it because things are getting rough now and I'm not sure I'm I'm willing to stick around for that. When you say till death do it his part, you should mean till death do his part. And don't be willing to get into a marriage unless you really do mean that. Um, and so when things get rocky, that's when you've got to pull in closer and you got to say, you know what, I know things are hard. This is a tough thing we're going through, but I still love you. I'm still here for you. And no matter what, I'm still going to be here for you. And and they need to be able to trust that no matter what happens, you are there by their side. And if they can trust that you're there by them side through the bad stuff, then how much better are the good days going to be? If they know that you're going to be faithful and you're going to continue to love them even in times when it's hard, then the good days are even better. But if if things get rocky and you start saying, "Well, you know, maybe I'm going to call it quits." Then they can't trust you at all. And then they they can't tell you about bad stuff. And then they're afraid to come to you when things are hard. And it just causes a bigger divide between you. So if if there's any advice you ever listen to about marriage, never never never never threaten divorce. When you come to marriage, you say till death do his part and that should be the end of it. There shouldn't be any clauses and whatifs. It's till death do you part, not until you change your mind. Not until things get too tough. not until uh you know this scenario happens you be willing to stick with that person no matter what. That's the commitment you made in a covenant. Okay. Um but if you want to start uh but if you want to have a stronger marriage, you need to start by strengthening your walk with the Lord. Okay? I know I got on a tangent, but I'm getting back to my my original point. Men need to be godly men. They need to walk with the Lord. And um biblical leadership is not like worldly leadership. So many times people get it backwards and they think that um leading is just about making decisions and making judgments and making rulings and being in charge and kind of just telling people what to do. That's not at all what biblical leading looks like. And when you think about the way Yeshua led and the way Yeshua talked about leadership, it really just flips that upside down because Yeshua said he didn't come to be served, he came to serve. Okay, think about that and let just let it blow your mind for a minute. The God of the universe came to earth in the form of a human being born in a womb born of a virgin as a baby. He took on human flesh and was went through human life from birth until death taking on the form of human denying himself of his power and authority and taking time just to walk on earth as a human. And he didn't come as a king. He came as a servant. He didn't come to rule and to dominate and to conquer. He come he came to lead by example. And the example he led the the the example he left to us is that of a servant. And he he knelt down and he washed his disciples feet, right? He um you know he helped those in need. He he served other people. He He ministered to the weak. He healed the sick. He got He got in the muck and the mire with people. He got dirty with them. He didn't just lord over them and stand over them and dictate to them what they should and shouldn't do. He got right there and with right right in there with them. And he lived life with them. And then on top of all that, to top it all off, he took our sins on himself and he bore our burdens on the cross. And he took our punishment for us. He took the the beatings and the the chastisement and the spitting and the insults and the nails and the thorns. And he went to the cross. Why? Because he loves us. And that's that's the example of leadership that we're supposed to follow. We're supposed to love the way he does. We're supposed to lead the way he does. He led as a servant and he sacrificed his life to save ours. Biblical leadership is first and foremost spiritual leadership. How you lead your family in the Lord. How you lead them in the word. How you lead them in prayer. How you spiritually lead them, drawing them to God, moving them towards God, showing them a godly example. That's what biblical leadership should look like in your home. And Joshua 24:15, Joshua says, "As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord." And that should be I I think that should be the motto of every husband, every father. As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord. Okay? That that should be uh you know, as as the definition of a godly man, that should be his motto. As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord. that your your goal in life is to make sure that your house, your family, the things under your authority, the things under your domain, that they follow the Lord, that they serve the Lord, that they prioritize the Lord in their life. That should be your goal as a husband and a father is that your family serves the Lord. Okay? If if if you just do that, you're doing great, right? If you just make sure your family serves the Lord, you're on the right track. Um, and the thing is, your wife should see you as the one who leads the family in prayer. She should see you as the one who leads the family in studying scripture. She should see you as the one who is pointing your family to move towards God to the one who is leading your family in worship. the one who is is um you know making sure everybody is seeking the Lord, the one who is guarding the hearts and minds of your children against the influence of the enemy. Um the one who is protecting the innocence of your children from the the the worldly influences that that may be coming against them. The one who is training your children and your wife in righteousness and holiness. That's the way your wife should see you is that you are you are a godly man who is leading your family in godliness and holiness. That's that's the way your wife should see you. Um and this shouldn't be just on Shabbat, right? It shouldn't just be on on the Sabbath when you go to to church. It should be every day. You know, it's it's easy to to get up on on Saturday and say, "Okay, guys, let's go to church. Are you spending time in the word daily? Are you spending time in prayer daily? And are you leading your family? In the word daily and in prayer daily? Are you having conversations with your family about God? Are you looking for ways to bring God into the into the home and into the conversation? Making um making God an everyday part of of your family's life. That's that's leading your family spiritually. Um, I want to look at Mark chapter 10 now and skip down to verse 43. Actually, let's um verse 42. But Jesus called them to himself and said to them, "You know that those who are considered rulers of the Gentiles lorded over them, and their great ones exercise authority over them. Yet it shall not be so among you. But whoever desires to become great among you shall be your servant. And whoever of you desires to be first shall be a slave of all. For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many." Okay. And I want I want to focus on this one here. Verse 44. Whoever desires to be first shall be slave of all. Um you know most most men get headship wrong. They think uh headship means making all the decisions and expecting their wife just to follow them without question. That's not what Yeshua is talking about here. He says if you want to be first, if you want to be the leader, you need to be the servant. You need to be the slave. You need to be the one doing the work. You need to be the one serving, pouring your life out. Um, it's not it's not you uh the idea of, you know, like a CEO just telling everybody else what to do and him just collecting all the money. It's not the idea of a general in an army barking orders at his soldiers and telling them what to do while he sits back and enjoys the the the view from afar. The kind of leadership that God is talking about is the one who gets gets in there first, the one who does what he's expecting every everybody else to do. Um, you know, and leads by example and serves. You know, you're not here as a head of the as a head of the wife. It's not your job to make her serve you. It's your job to serve her. And that's so backwards, right? It doesn't make sense. If I'm the head, why am I serving her? Yeshua said, if you want to be the head, you want to be the leader, you need to be the servant. And so, we need to be asking ourselves the question, how can I better serve my wife? How can I better serve my family? not how can I make them serve me better, right? How can I force them to obey me? How can I force them to submit to me? It's backwards. It's it's not it doesn't line up with what Yeshua said. Yeshua said, "If you want to be the leader, you need to be the servant. You're going to be first, you need to be last." And so, as we look at biblical headship, we need to remember that Yeshua is the example. And so as Christ loved the church is the the call, right, to the husband. But what does that mean? That's what we're looking at. So has Christ loved the church means that you're willing to serve your wife. You're willing to give up your desires, your wants, your will in order to take care of her, to provide for her. You know, here's another thing. when you talk about provision is there's men who they're like, "Well, I I don't want to do that job because it's beneath me. It's not something that I want. I want this job. This is the the prestigious job. This is the job that has the the glory and the reputation and and whatever that I want." But that's you you're looking at it again backwards. You're looking at my desires, my wants, my needs. What you need to be looking at is what what does my family need right now? Does my family need me to go back to school so that I can get a degree so that I can have this this other job? or does my family need me to uh bust tables at a restaurant and set groceries at a grocery store and pump gas at a gas station because they need me to provide for them. And you know, with the older generations, people my age and older, I think we were we were taught that we understood sometimes you you got to take the job that you don't want because you got to provide for your family. But for younger generations, the people younger than me, it's it's like something is missing, something's broken. You don't get that that you're you you'd rather not do anything than do something you don't want to do. There's something broken there in you. Um, you know, I I've seen so many people in their in their 20s and 30s who they're they're they don't have a job. And you ask them, "Why don't you have a job?" And it's, "Well, you know, I've I've applied for these jobs, but nobody's hiring. What jobs did you apply for?" "Well, this and this and this." Well, did you know you could flip burgers at McDonald's and make 10 bucks an hour? Did you know you could go to the gas station and run a register, make, you know, 10 bucks an hour? Did you know you could go There's lots of jobs you could do. May not be the job you want, but everybody's I mean, there's everywhere I go, there's jobs available. Get a job. Stop being lazy. That's part of being a man. If you want to have a family, you need to know how to work even at a job you hate. even at a job you don't want to do. You know, there's a there's a movie um it's called Bagger Vance. Okay, this is um an old Will Smith movie from you know, I don't even know how many years ago, the '9s. Um and you know, if if if that dates me, then you know, at least you know how old I am. Um that's okay. But in this movie, there's a line in this movie where um uh I can't remember the guy's name, but he's talking to this kid, and this kid is is, you know, he's talking about how his dad is, um he's the laughingtock of the town because, you know, he's, you know, pushing a broom and stuff like that. And and he's doing this this job that's beneath his dignity. And his friends are laughing and mocking at him because of of his dad. his dad is out there pushing a broom and doing this this job that um is is just beneath his dignity and and his buddy his his friend his friend's dad is is uh doesn't have a job and he'd rather not have a job than to do something beneath his dignity. And um the the the older guy that's talking to the kid, he turns to him and he says, you know, just basically shut up. What you're saying is stupid. you know, you're you're not making any sense. He said that, you know, your your friend's dad is um is too uh what's the word he used? He's too uh too proud or something like that. And um but but he says, you know, your your dad, he saw adversity and he fought it back with a broom. And that's that was such a powerful statement and it's so true. You know, he he didn't want to push a broom. He didn't want to be the the janitor, but he it was in it was in basically is a time of of the uh the Great Depression, I think, is the time frame that it's talking about. And and instead of instead of just giving up and instead of of uh you know, just saying, "Oh, well," he saw the problem and he fought against it with a broom. He fought back with a broom. And that's the way we need to be is, you know, maybe you're not doing the job you love, but do the job that you can do. Do, you know, fight fight back with a broom. Do do the thing that needs to be done to take care of your family. So men, part of being the provider and protector of your home is being willing to do the servant's job. Being willing to to take the job that you feel is beneath you. Being willing to just have a job so that you can provide for your family. That's part of being a servant, too, right? being willing to work at a job you hate just so you can take care of your family. That's that's a godly man. A godly man says, "Yep, I'll I'll be a janitor." That means providing for my family, right? I'll I'll scrub toilets. I'll clean floors. I'll wash windows. I'll wash dishes. Right? The godly man says, "I'll do whatever I need to do to take care of my family." That's part of godliness. And if if you're not willing to take care of your own household, your your religion is worthless, right? That's I I don't have the scripture reference for that. I I'm sorry I didn't look it up ahead of time to make sure it's in my notes. But basically, if if you're if you're not willing to provide for your family, you're you're worthless. And so, don't be that guy. Headship is about taking responsibility, not control. Okay? Headship is about being responsible for your family, doing what's needed to care for your family, to lead them, to provide for them, to protect them, and understanding the responsibility is on you, not trying to pass it off on somebody else. Well, but my wife won't do this. I don't care what your wife will and won't do. You're the man. You're the husband. You're the father. You need to do the job. If that means taking a second job, take a second job. Right? If it means doing a job you hate, do the job you hate. Don't pass the buck. Pass the blame on somebody else. Take responsibility. You're the head of the home. You're the responsible one. If your marriage fails, it's your fault. If your family falls apart, it's your fault. If if you end up broke and and living on the street, that's your fault. Don't blame somebody else. You're the one responsible. You're the man. You're the head of the house. Okay. Headship is about taking responsibility. Um, also if your leadership is heavy-handed, if your leadership is cruel, if your if your leadership is critical, um, if your leadership is self-erving, then you're not leading correctly. You're not leading biblically. You're doing it wrong. Um, true leadership is self-sacrificing for the good of your wife and your family. Every day you need to ask yourself, "How can I better serve my wife and my family? How can I make sure my wife feels loved and valued? How can I make sure my family feels safe and protected and provided for?" Those are the kinds of questions that a godly man asks himself. If you're a godly man, you're going to say, "How can I love my wife better?" You're not going to say, "Well, I'm I'm doing a I'm doing an okay job. She knows I love her. It's okay." You're going to say, "How can I love her better today than I did yesterday?" That's that's that's what we should be doing. And again, I'm I'm speaking to myself as much as anybody. I fail at this. I need to be doing a better job of saying, "How can I love my wife better today?" And Amanda, if you're watching, um, don't hold this against me because I know I'm not the best at this. I want to be better. I want to be better at at saying, "How can I love you better today than I did yesterday?" Um, if if your leadership does not speak love to your wife, then you're not leading well. Because in leading her, she should be receiving love from you. The way you lead should be reflecting love to her, should be showing love to her, should be giving love to her. And so if you're leading and she's not receiving love from you in that, you're not leading right. All right. Now, here is the secret that most men miss. Okay. This is this is kind of the the big wrap up. So, hang in there. If you if you stuck around this long, that's awesome. You you made it to uh the final point I'm going to make today. And this is the secret that most men miss and it's your wife doesn't need your provision as much as she needs your presence. Okay? And and I want to I want to explain this in scripture and I want you to stick with me through this. Most men focus on being the provider and they forget about being the partner. And this is this is a problem for most men is they focus so much on providing for their family and providing for their wife that they forget to be the partner that their wife needs. And I want to I want to read to you something uh from first Peter. I want you to listen closely to what is written here. 1 Peter chapter 3 and we're going to look at verse 7. Husbands likewise dwell with them with understanding, giving honor to the wife as to the weaker vessel and as being heirs together of the grace of life that your prayers may not be hindered. Okay, so this this is this is really big. This is really significant and this is a verse that so many people overlook. So many people don't talk about this when they talk about the role of a husband, the role of a of a godly man. This verse gets overlooked. And this is a huge deal because it says if you don't do this, your prayers may be hindered. So men, if you're not doing this, it may be affecting your relationship with God. It may be affecting the effectiveness of your prayers. That's how important this is. Okay? And so it says to dwell with her with understanding, giving honor to your wife as the weaker vessel. Okay. So what does it mean to dwell with her with understanding? Okay. Um it means you need to listen to her. You need to understand her heart. You need to know what she's going through. You need to know what she's thinking about. You need to understand your wife. You need to have understanding towards her. Um and the and and we need to give honor to them as the weaker vessel. What does the weaker vessel mean? Um think about it this way. Not weak as in less strong as in like you know I'm strong. She's puny. Think of it as in weaker as in more fragile. More delicate. Well, she's the the more delicate vessel. You know, I've got my my cup here. It's stainless steel. I can I can throw this, you know, across the field and go pick it up and it's fine. Your wife is a ceramic cup or a glass cup. It's more fragile. You You don't want to drop it. It's the ground. It shatters into a million pieces. You know, stainless steel, this is this is rugged. This is manly. This is strong. Women are fine china. They are uh you know, they're delicate crystal. They're they're not to be just tossed around and trampled on. They're not to be dropped and kicked and and uh abused, right? They're supposed to be you're supposed to be gentle with them. You you care for them. You nurture them. And so when you think about women as the weaker vessel, think about women as the more um as a more fragile vessel. Okay? I think that's a better way to translate this is that the woman is the more fragile vessel. And so if she's the more fragile, then that means that you need to be more gentle with her. You need to be more kind with her. You need to more compassionate with her. Um and so that's that's what we see here is he's saying that honor your wife as the more fragile vessel. Be compassionate and kind and gentle with her. When you speak to your wife, speak gently with her. Speak kindly to her. Okay? Don't be harsh with her. Don't be critical with her. Don't be abusing her. Don't be mistreating her. Don't be yelling at her. Uh, you know, you can't talk to your wife the way you talk to another guy, right? You need to talk to your wife with with kindness and compassion and gentleness. Um and it says to understand her and through understanding her you need to honor her as the weaker vessel. So you you come to her and you are trying to understand what she's going through and you have compassion and you have empathy and you are seeking to understand her. You're seeking to know what she's going through. Seeking to understand so that you can better um be the husband she needs you to be. so that you can love her the way she needs to be loved. And so if you're able to listen and give her your attention and just hear what she's trying to say, that would mean so much to so many wives. Because that's that's the complaint so many wives have is my husband just doesn't listen to me. You know, I I talk to him and I feel like he's he's never paying attention. I feel like he's it's in one ear and out the other. um just listen, learn how to listen and and to hear what she's saying and actually understand her so that you can you can see what do I need to do? How can I how can I be a better husband? Well, one way you can be a better husband is just by starting with understanding where your wife's at and knowing what she needs. You know, she says, "Oh man, my back hurts." Well, you know, first thing you could say is, "Well, hey, you want a back rub?" Right. Oh, my feet hurt. Yeah. You want you want you want me to massage your feet? Okay, that's that's an easy one. But, you know, but then, you know, she says, "Well, I had a rough day at work, man. my boss did this and that and and you know the customers write me out and complained and and I just feel like a failure. I feel like I've I'm just Okay. Well, what do you do? Okay. Well, you you've heard a lot of negative things at work today. I think you need some positive reinforcement. You need some encouragement. You need some uh you know, somebody to come along and and to pick you up and to tell you how much value you actually have. And so the husband will come in and and say, "You know what? I know you had a rough day. I want to I want to make sure your day gets better now that you're home." Um or, you know, I had a rough day at home with the kids. You know, she doesn't work. She's a stay at home mom, but man, the kids have been wearing her down all day. They've been nagging and griping and complaining and fighting with each other and yelling and screaming and she's at her wits end and she's falling apart. And you say, "You know what, honey? Why don't you go uh you know go out by yourself and go get your hair done or go shopping or go do something you enjoy and I'll take care of the kids for a little bit. You just go have some alone time or hey honey um why don't you, you know, run yourself a hot bath and relax. I'll take the kids and we'll go I'll take the kids to the park or you know get them out of the house for a little bit so you can have some quiet time. you you can read a book, relax, enjoy your hot bath, you know, something like whatever whatever she would enjoy doing and just say, "Hey, I want to help you. I want to help you de-stress. I want to help you um you know, you you've had a rough day for whatever reason. I want to help you have a better day." Or maybe um you know, something bad happens and and she's you know, she just needs somebody to spend time with and you say, "You know what? I had plans tonight. I'm going to cancel my plans and I'm just going to spend the night with you. I'm going to just you and me. We'll, you know, we'll have a nice dinner. I'll cook and uh, you know, we'll we'll watch a movie or something, hang out on the couch, relax, cuddle, uh, spend some time together. You tell me. You know, we we'll talk and and connect and bond and forget about the bad day you had. You know, there's all kinds of things you could do, but you have to listen first person, know where she's at, what she's dealing with, so that you know how to to minister to her because that's that's ministering to your wife when you know her needs and you can help her um overcome those needs. You can help her get past the bad day. You can help her deal with the the difficult situation. you can help her, you can encourage her when she's discouraged, that's ministry. You're ministering to your your wife in those things. But to minister to her effectively, to to be able to to shepherd her correctly and effectively, you have to be able to understand what she's going through. And the only way to understand what she's going through is to actually listen and to pay attention. Um, it's not, you know, just sitting there nodding your head while you're staring at your phone. You know, you you're doing this. Uh-huh. Yeah. Yeah. Uh-huh. What? She knows you're not paying attention. You can't do that. Give her your attention. But whatever, you know, turn off Facebook or stop scrolling through your emails or, you know, whatever you're doing and actually just give your wife some attention and listen to what she's saying. It'll mean a lot to her and it'll actually help you be a better husband. Um, and so seeking to understand her. That's what what this verse is saying, right? Husbands, dwell with them with understanding. So dwell with them, right? Being together with them, partnering with them, sharing life together, doing life together and also understanding being being understanding of her, knowing where she's at, what she's going through, and how to help her. giving honor to her, right? Honoring her with your time, honoring her with your um giving her by giving her your attention, by giving her your undivided attention. You were honoring her uh by listening to her, you honoring her and and as you would because she's the weaker vessel, because she's the more fragile vessel. treating her like fine china. Treating her like a valuable crystal uh glasswware, you know, something like a masa crystal wear, something very valuable. Understanding that this is she is a very valuable treasure in your life because he who finds a wife finds a good thing. If you have a wife, you're blessed by God. Take care of that wife. He has entrusted her to you. He has blessed you with her. Um, you are a steward of this this marriage God has has given her to you as a blessing. Are you managing it well? Are you stewarding it well? Are you guarding and protecting it like a treasure? Are you treasuring your wife? Okay. Um, here's, you know, let men just I want your undivided attention for just a second, right? We're almost done, right? And I know we're we're getting long, but I want you to pay attention to this. Um, your wife doesn't need a perfect man. Everybody knows there's no such thing as a perfect man. Men, perfect men don't exist. And women, if you're looking for a perfect man, they're there's not such a thing. Yeshua is the only perfect man. And he's not available, right? But she needs a man who's going to be faithful. A man she knows is going to be there for her. A man she knows is committed. A man that she knows she can rely on and depend on. A man that she knows will listen to her and empathize with her and be compassionate towards her. A man that she knows she can trust with her heart. That's what a woman what women want. That's what women need. That's what your wife wants from you. Someone she can depend on. Someone she knows she can trust. Someone she knows who is faithful. Someone who she knows cares and has got her back. Someone she can trust with her heart. Someone she can trust with her secrets. Someone she can trust with her pains and her fears and her doubts. You need to be that guy. Okay? And so I I just want to encourage men. We're wrapping up. I just want to encourage you men that you need to lead your wife. Okay? Remember, we got to we got to be spiritual leaders. We got to be godly men before we can be godly husbands. So lead them in lead your wife and your family in prayer. Lead them in Bible study. Lead them in walking with the Lord. Show them how to walk in the Lord. Lead by example. Lead by service and love her sacrificially. being willing to give up your desires, your wants, the things that you, you know, the the things in your life. Prioritize her above your own wants and needs and desires. Make her your priority. Make her special in your life. Um, you know, that I want I need to clarify. She's not the highest priority in your life. God should be the highest priority in your life. But then your wife is right there as a close second. And she needs to be a priority over your job. She needs to be a priority over your children. She needs to be a priority over your hobbies. She needs to be a priority over all of your wants and desires. Okay? She even takes priority over your personal ministry. She needs to be a priority in your life. Making making sure that loving her is a priority in your life. Caring for her is a priority because she is a treasure that God has given you. And um so you sacrifice you sacrifice your wants and needs to spend time with her and to love her. It doesn't mean you always have to, you know, you you never get to do the thing you want, but make sure you you prioritize and you you give her the time and attention she needs and spend time with her seeking to understand her, treating her like a like a delicate, valuable jewel, the treasure that she is, and make loving her a priority in your life. Okay? That's what a godly man looks like. And um wives, if your husband's not that, pray for him and show him this video. Maybe this maybe this will say something to him to get his attention. Um but husbands, you need to you need to step up. You need to be the men God has created you to be. Um, and just remember your wife um your wife is she doesn't need your provision as much as she needs your presence. Okay, I just want to say that again. Your presence in her life is more important. And you know, there have been times in my life when when I'm I'm speaking from personal experience here, when my wife has been jealous of my time that I spend with ministry or the time that I spend with other people or the time that I spend doing my own thing. She's made those statements to me. I'm She said, I'm I'm jealous of the time you give to this and not to me. And that that that's something that I don't want. I don't want that. I don't want her to be jealous of my ministry. I don't want her to be jealous of the church. I don't want her to be jealous of the time I spend with other people. So, I want to make sure I give her the time and attention she needs. And Amanda, if you're watching, I you know, I just want to again apologize for the times that I fall short, for the times that I've not been the godly husband that I'm supposed to be. for the times when I didn't spend time with you when I should have, the times that I didn't prioritize time with you when I should have. And so, um, man, I I just want to encourage you, uh, make loving your wife a priority in your life. All right. Um, I am not going to give a teaser for next week because I actually have no idea what I'm talking about next week. Um, so it'll be a surprise to both of us. So, come back next week and we'll both be surprised. All right, thank you guys for joining and uh I'll talk to you next week. Thank you for joining me on Let's Talk Biblical. If you enjoyed this episode, then share it with your friends and keep the conversation going. Be sure to subscribe so you don't miss anything. And I look forward to chatting with you again next week. Until next time, keep talking biblical. Shalom.