God's Design for Marriage | Let's Talk Biblical | Episode 7

if you love talking about the Bible as much as I do then I think you really enjoy this show Welcome to let's talk biblical the podcast where we dig deep into the heart of scripture explore Timeless truths and have real conversations about what the Bible says and how it applies to my name is Lex and I want to thank you for joining me on today's episode so grab your bible get comfortable and let's talk biblical what does the Bible say about love weddings marriage and divorce how can we build strong Godly marriages that reflect Christ and how should we navigate struggles in marriage according to biblical principles whether you're single engaged married or divorced this episode has something for everyone God created and designed marriage at the very beginning after God created Adam God recognized that man needed a companion a helper suitable for him in Genesis 2:8 it says and the Lord God said it is not good that man should be alone I will make him a helper comparable to him this is important to understand God saw that is not good for the man to be alone God saw the need for human companionship and he saw the importance of marriage so God took a rib from Adam and he created the woman from that man's rib Genesis 2 21-22 says and the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall on Adam and he slept and he took one of his ribs and closed up the Flesh in its place then the rib which the Lord God had taken from the man he made into a woman and he brought her to the man God created the man and bring a sense of wholeness to the man that's why God saw that it was not good for man to be alone he was incomplete by himself man needs woman to make him complete this is why the Bible says the Two Become One flesh Genesis 2:24 man shall leave his father mother and be joined to his wife and they shall become one flesh woman came from man and so woman must be returned to man to bring the completion to him this is the foundation of marriage and marriage is the foundation of a family God created us so that we cannot produce fruit alone we're not asexual beings we require both a seed and an egg to produce Offspring both man and woman are required to produce children this also shows us that God intended for one man and one woman to be joined together because it's the only way God intended for us to produce Offspring now modern science has perverted this process and they've been able to engineer Offspring by other means but the process God created is the natural way to produce children and it always requires one man and one woman the Bible describes other types of unions as Abominations they are called Abominations because they are Unholy and they don't produce The Offspring that God desires two men cannot produce a child because they lack the egg likewise two women cannot produce a child because they lack the seed human and animal unions cannot produce children and God has forbidden the mixture of different kinds in our modern day technology has even tried to produce artificial intelligence as a suitable companion to man but this is also an Abomination and it falls short of the glory of God's natural design for marriage between a man and a woman woman is the only suitable mate for man and by God's design man needs a woman however man does not need more than one woman in fact more than one woman always causes problems when Abraham took Sarah's servant Hagar to produce a son it caused contention in the home and that conflict has throughout history Ishmael was the father of Islam and Islam has been in conflict with both Jews and Christians over all these years if Abraham had just done things God's way he would have only had Sarah as his wife and would have only had Isaac as his son and Islam might never have existed this shows us that when we step out of God's designed purpose we produce bad fruit there are negative consequences for when we disregard God's plan another example example of multiple wives is given with Jacob Jacob loved Rachel but he was tricked into marrying Leah before marrying Rachel this resulted in a very broken and dysfunctional home the wives were at odds with each other and their children were also at odds with the others this broken and dysfunctional family eventually led to the divided Kingdom of Israel and Judah some people argue that the Bible doesn't forbid multiple wives and they reason that if it's not forbidden then it must be okay okay however even though the Bible doesn't forbid it that doesn't mean it's good or allowed it's also important to recognize there are actually Commandments against having multiple wives and there are restrictions against people who have multiple wives for example the Bible commands Kings not to multiply wives because that was something that Kings tended to do and God saw the problems that it caused Deuteronomy 17:17 says neither shall he multiply wives for himself lest his heart turn away nor shall he greatly multiply silver and gold for himself notice that if he multiplies wives his heart would be turned away from God this shows us that having more than one wife causes problems I honestly don't understand why anyone would want more than one wife can you imagine arguing with two wives can you imagine dealing with PMS twice every month can you imagine how much those two women would fight with each other also and more importantly how could you love two women in the way they need you to love them it's already difficult devoting enough time and attention to one wife I can't imagine how difficult it would be to satisfy the needs of two women something else to consider is that the qualifications to be an elder or Deacon require that the man be the husband of only one wife this means if a man has more than one wife he can never be an elder or a deacon Titus 1:6 says if a man is blameless the husband of one wife having faithful children not accused of dissipation or insubordination 1 Timothy 3:2 says a bishop then must be blameless the husband of one wife temperate sober-minded of good behavior hospitable and able to teach the new King James version uses the word Bishop instead of Elder here but it says that an elder must be the husband of one wife this means he can't have more than one wife it also means he can't have less than one wife to be an elder the man must be married to one woman this shows that he is walking in God's plan he has taken a wife a woman understanding that it is not good for man to be alone he has taken a wife as God instructed and the Two Become One flesh likewise we see the same requirement for deons in 1 Timothy 3:12 let deacons be the husband of one wife ruling their children and their households well the word Deacon means a servant deacons were appointed to do the work of service while the elders did the teaching and counseling deacons are also required to have one wife and only one wife this shows us that what God desires for his people in leadership is that they are faithful to one wife so if we desire to be in any form of leadership then we must have only one wife the people who are pushing for multiple wives are going against God's design for marriage between one man and one woman again Genesis 2:24 says therefore a man shall leave his father mother and be joined to his wife and they shall become one flesh Two Become One flesh it doesn't say three become one or four become one God's design is that Two Become One Hebrews 13:4 says marriage is Honorable among all in the bed undefiled but fornicators and adulterers God will judge this is the problem with adultery and fornication having sexual partners outside of the Covenant of marriage is fornication and committing sexual immorality with someone who is married is adultery both of these things defile the marriage bed and having multiple wives is similar in how it defiles the marriage bed now let's talk about the difference between fornication and marriage some people erroneously claim that if you sleep with someone then you're automatically married to them that's not true no Covenant has been made between those people marriage is a covenant fornication is sex without a covenant that's why fornication is a a sin you are defiling the marriage bed entering into a covenant of marriage gives you legal permission in the eyes of God to take that person into your bed without the Covenant of marriage you are committing a trespass against that person you don't have the legal right to see them naked and you don't have the legal right to sleep with them because they are not yours by Covenant the same is true for adultery except with adultery one or both of the people involved are in a covenant marriage with someone else therefore the one who sleeps with a married person has trespassed against a marriage covenant and the married person who commits adultery has broken their marriage vows both fornication and adultery are a violation of the sanctity of marriage Hebrews 13:4 marriage is Honorable among all and the bed undefiled but fornicators and adulterers God will judge God judges fornicators and adulterers because they are defiling the Holiness of marriage the Bible describes marriage as a covenant between a husband and a wife in the eyes of God when we violate that Covenant we provoke God to anger Malachi 2:11 calls marriage the Lord's holy institution which he loves in Malachi 2:14 says the Lord has been witness between you and the wife of your Youth and that she is Your Wife by Covenant a covenant is a legal agreement or contract between two parties a covenant includes a list of terms that both parties agree to uphold the terms of the Covenant are binding and must be kept by both parties within a marriage covenant both husband and wife take vows agreeing to be faithful to each other until death separates them typical wedding vows go something like this I take you to be my wedded wife to have an hold from this day forward for better for worse for richer for poor in sickness and in health to love and to cherish till death do us part according to God's holy ordinance I pledge to you my faithfulness these vows are taken before God and the eyes of witnesses to establish the marriage as a binding Covenant we need to remember these vows because God will hold us accountable to them for better or worse you have pledged your faithfulness to that person until death Parts you you didn't vow to love them as long as things are easy you didn't say I will be faithful to you as long as I feel like it you didn't agree to love them until the day comes when you don't feel like loving them anymore you vowed to love them and to be faithful to them until one of you dies this is a lifelong Covenant and it's not meant to be broken numbers 30:2 says if a man makes a vow to the Lord or swears an oath to bind himself by some agreement he shall not break his word he shall do according to all that proceeds out of his mouth when you enter into a marriage covenant you are making a vow before God that you will love that person and be faithful to that person until death if you break that vow you have sinned against God that's how serious the Covenant of marriage is Malachi explains the importance of the sanctity of marriage in Malachi 2:15 he says but did he not make them one having a remnant of the spirit and why one he seeks Godly Offspring therefore take heed to your spirit and let no one deal treacherously with the wife of his youth God makes two people one in marriage because God wants Godly Offspring this is why keeping the marriage bed undefiled is so important but the next thing God says in Malachi is that he hates divorce in Malachi 2:16 for the Lord God of Israel says that he hates divorce for it covers one's garment with violence says the Lord of hosts therefore take heed to your spirit that you do not deal treacherously divorce is a violent act it destroys marriage it destroys families it separates what God has joined together divorce violently rips apart the Covenant that God established in marriage Yeshua explained this in Matthew 19 when he was questioned about divorce Matthew 19 3-6 says the Pharisees also came to him testing him and saying to him is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any reason and he answered and said to them have you not read that he who made them at the beginning made them male and female and said for this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife and the two shall become one flesh so then there are no longer two but one flesh therefore what God has joined together let not man separate the Pharisees were looking for justification for divorce but Yeshua didn't give them any Yeshua explained that God created them male and female and the man is joined to his wife and they become one flesh and he emphasized this by saying that what God has joined together let not man separate indicating that God joined them until death separates them and only God can separate them by death but the Pharisees didn't like yeshua's answer so they pressed the question further saying Matthew 19:7 so they said to him why then did Moses command to give a certificate of divorce and to put her away this is a reference to Deuteronomy 24 which speaks about a husband giving a certificate of divorce to his wife and sending her away Deuteronomy 24 1-4 says when a man takes a wife and marries her and it happens that she finds no favor in his eyes because he has found some uncleanness in her and he writes her a certificate of divorce puts it in her hand and sends her out of his house when she has departed from his house and goes and becomes another man's wife if the latter husband detests her and writes her certificate of divorce puts it in her hand and sends her out of his house or if the latter husband dies who took her as his wife then the former husband who divorced her must not take her her back to be his wife after she has been defiled for that is an Abomination before the Lord and you shall not bring sin on the land which the Lord your God is giving you as an inheritance notice that at no point is anyone commanded to divorce his wife the Bible simply says if he divorces her and she marries another the first husband can never marry her again this isn't telling us that we can divorce our wives and it isn't giving us reasons for divorce listen to verse one again and pay attention to how it is worded Deuteronomy 241 when a man takes a wife and marries her and it happens that she finds no favor in his eyes because he has found some uncleanness in her and he writes her a certificate of divorce puts it in her hand and sends her out of his house there's no command from God to do this and this is not meant to provide justification or reasons for divorce this is an if then Clause if a man divorces his wife and she marries another is the if statement and the Commandment comes with the then portion of the if Clause we see this in verse 4 Deuteronomy 24:4 then her former husband who divorced her must not take her back to be his wife after she has been defiled for that is an Abomination before the Lord and you shall not bring sin on the land which the Lord your God is giving you as an inheritance if the first husband divorces her and she marries another and the second husband dies or they get divorced then the first husband can never marry her again do you see how this is an if then Clause explaining a situation that is not ideal and how to proceed if these circumstances happen to occur so the Pharisees took this divorce clause and twisted it by saying in Matthew 19:7 why then did Moses command to give a certificate of divorce and to put her away Moses wasn't commanding divorce and Yeshua was careful to say that it was not a commandment in his explanation of it Matthew 1989 says and he said to them Moses because of the hardness of your hearts permitted you to divorce your wives but from the beginning it was not so and I say to you whoever divorces his wife except for sexual immorality and marries another commits adultery and whoever marries her who is divorced commits adultery Yeshua explained that divorce happens because of the hardness of our hearts but he also explained that if you get divorced for any reason except sexual immorality then you have committed adultery why is sexual immorality the only legitimate reason for divorce because if your wife commit sexual immorality she has violated the Covenant of marriage she has committed adultery and broken the Covenant however if she hasn't committed adultery and you divorce her the divorce doesn't break the Covenant and if either of you marries another that act is an act of adultery in other words Yeshua is saying that divorce doesn't nullify the Covenant of marriage adultery is what breaks the Covenant so if you divorce your wife and marry another you are committing adultery because the divorce has done nothing to sever the lifelong Covenant you made in the eyes of God numbers 30:2 says if a man makes a vow to the Lord or swears an oath to bind himself by some agreement he shall not break his word he shall do according to all that proceeds out of his mouth when you say your wedding vows before God and Witnesses you are making a covenant in the eyes of God and this Covenant is not to be treated lightly marriage is a reflection of God's relationship with us God is the husband and we are the bride he enters into Covenant with us and we agree to be bound by the terms of that Covenant however when we commit idolatry we violate the Covenant in the same way a wife who commits adultery violates the marriage covenant some people try to justify Divorce by saying that God divorced Israel because of her idolatry Jeremiah 3:8 says then I saw that for all the causes for which backsliding Israel had committed adultery I had put her away and given her a certificate of divorce yet her treacherous sister Judah did not fear but went and played the Harlot also this shows us the seriousness of idolatry idolatry is spiritual adultery and God will not tolerate it and this shows us that adultery is a legitimate reason for divorce but we have to look at the whole context to realize that it's not God's plan God's plan is to redeem that adulterous bride Israel Jeremiah 3:1 says they say if a man divorces his wife and she goes from him and becomes another man's may he return to her again would not that land be greatly polluted but you have played the Harlot with with many lovers yet return to me says the Lord it would be an Abomination for a husband to marry his wife after he has divorced her and she was polluted by other men this is the scenario that God is relating to Israel's behavior in their idolatry the question is how can God take Israel back as his bride after this has happened we read later in Jeremiah 31 about the New Covenant that God will make with Israel and Judah Jeremiah 31 31-33 says behold the days are coming says the Lord when I will make a New Covenant with the house of Israel and with the house of Judah not according to the Covenant that I made with their fathers in the day that I took them by the hand to lead them out of the land of Egypt my Covenant which they broke though I was a husband to them says the Lord but this is the Covenant that I will make with the house of Israel after those days says the Lord I will put my laws in their minds and write it on their hearts I will be their God and they shall be be my people why is a New Covenant needed because the first one was defiled by idolatry Israel was divorced because of her adultery but God wanted to restore the Covenant between him and his people Paul explains this mystery in the Book of Romans Romans 7: 1-4 says or do you not know brethren for I speak to those who know the law that the law has dominion over man as long as he lives for the woman who has a husband is bound by the law to her husband as long as he lives but if the husband dies she is released from the law of her husband so then if while her husband lives she marries another man she will be called an adulteress but if her husband dies she is free from that law so that she is no longer an adulteress though she has married another man therefore my brethren you also have become dead to the law through the body of Christ that you may be married to another to him who was raised from the dead that we should bear fruit to God Paul is referring to the divorce clause in Deuteronomy 24 about when a husband divorces his wife and she marries another notice that explains that Christ died to break that first Covenant but he resurrected to establish the second Covenant he died to set her free from the first marriage and he rose from the dead so that he could take her as his wife again this is why it's a New Covenant in his blood the purpose purp in God divorcing Israel was not to separate her forever his desire was to redeem her and have a Holy Covenant relationship with her but to do this he had to die and sever the first Covenant but he also had to resurrect to establish the New Covenant this is the kind of love that Yeshua has for his bride and this is the kind of love that we are supposed to have for our wives love that will do whatever it takes to restore the relationship with them Ephesians 5: 25-29 says husbands love your wives just as Christ also loved the church and gave himself for her that he might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of the Water by the word that he might present her to himself a glorious church not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing but that she should be holy and without blemish so husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies he who loves his wife loves himself for no one ever hated his own flesh but nourishes and cherishes it just as the Lord does the church this is the kind of love that we are expected to have in marriage self-sacrificing love love that will do whatever it takes to hold the marriage together men your wife is not your enemy she is your partner and your wife by Covenant in the eyes of God she was given to you by God and God has entrusted you with the responsibility to love her and care for her she was given to you as a gift from God God Proverbs 18:22 says he who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord Proverbs 19:14 says houses and riches are an inheritance from fathers but a Prudent Wife is from the Lord Proverbs 31:10 says who can find a virtuous wife for her worth is far above rubies every Christian wife wants to be a proverbs 31 virtuous wife but the truth is the Bible says she is hard to find having a good wife is a blessing from God but the Bible also warns us about the troubles that a bad wife can cause women listen to some of these verses and ask yourself if they apply to you Proverbs 12:4 says an excellent wife is the crow of her husband but she who causes shame is like rotness in his bones do you bring shame to your husband this is something I've discovered when doing marriage counseling women sometimes speak badly about their husbands to others bringing shame on him husbands don't appreciate a wife who shames him in front of others The Virtuous wife of proverbs 31 is a wife who can be trusted by her husband Proverbs 3111 says the heart of her husband safely trusts her so he will have no lack of gain if you're constantly shaming and belittling your husband he will find it hard to trust you The Virtuous wife does good to her husband and doesn't want to harm him Proverbs 31:12 says she does him good and not evil all the days of her life a virtuous wife wants her husband to have a good reputation among others and if she is a virtuous wife he will be able to sit among the elders as a man who has respect this is something The Virtuous wife helps him to accomplish Proverbs 31:23 says her husband is known in the gates when he sits among the Elders of the land having a husband with a good reputation is a sign of a virtuous wife women don't understand that they have the ability to build up a man into a great man but they also have the ability to tear him down to ruin a Godly wife works to build her husband into a godly man but a bad wife brings ruin and destruction to his life and his reputation a wife who stir up strife and contention is miserable to live with Proverbs 219 says better to dwell in the corner of a housetop than in a house shared with a contentious woman Proverbs 21:19 says better to dwell in the wilderness than with a contentious and angry woman and Proverbs 27:15 says a continual dripping on a very rainy day and a contentious woman are alike contentious means to cause an argument a woman who causes arguments is a contentious woman she says things to provoke her husband trying to stir him up and make him angry women you should strive to honor your husband respect him love him and try to avoid conflict and arguments if you can you know you can say things a certain way and get them upset but you also know that you can say it differently and he will listen calmly I've never met a woman who didn't know exactly what it takes to start a fight with her husband but a good wife knows how to avoid the fight the Bible tells wives to submit to your husband as to the Lord if he iians 5:22 to 24 says wives submit to your own husbands as to the Lord for the husband is the head of the wife as also Christ is head of the church and he is the savior of the body therefore just as the church is subject to Christ so let wives be to their own husbands in everything husbands are told to love their wives as Christ loved the church but wives are told to submit to their husbands in the same way the church is to submit to Christ This is a command to women it doesn't tell the men to make their wife submit the submission is given from the wife as a loving gift to her husband in the same way the church submits to God as a loving gift to him when husbands love their wives the way the Bible says they are being Godly husbands when wives respect their husbands and submit to their leadership they are being Godly wives I'm convinced that all marriage problems can be solved by Ephesians chapter 5 and all marriage problems are the result of people not fall following the instructions found for marriage in Ephesians chapter 5 when women feel unloved by their husbands they sometimes seek love from other men when men don't feel respected by their wives they sometimes seek respect from other women this is how adulter happens when women don't feel loved by their husbands they sometimes seek to hurt him by shaming him to others when husbands feel shamed by their wife they don't feel respected and they get angry and hurt which causes fights and AR arents and yelling and shouting when husbands don't feel respected by their wives sometimes they feel shame which makes them withdraw from their wives sometimes they turn to hobbies and entertainment to distract them and sometimes they turn to addictions such as alcohol drugs and pornography when a husband doesn't listen to his wife she feels unloved when a wife doesn't listen to her husband he feels disrespected when a wife raises her voice to a husband in Anger he feels disrespected when a husband raises his voice to his wife she feels unloved when a wife teases and makes fun of her husband he feels disrespected when a husband teases and makes fun of his wife she feels unloved marriage counseling always comes down to love and respect is the husband loving the wife and is the wife respecting the husband even poor communication is about love and respect if there's poor communication between a husband and wife the wife will feel unloved because of the lack of communication and the husband will feel a lack of respect because of the poor communication husbands need respect and wives need love God designed it this way and the Bible gives us instructions on how to do it correctly biblical love and respect go hand in hand 1 Corinthians 13: 4-7 says love suffers long and is kind love does not envy love does not parade itself is not puffed up does not behave rudely does not seek its own is not provoked thinks no evil does not rejoice in iniquity but rejoices in the truth it Bears all things believes all things hopes all things endures all things love suffers long some translations say love is patient however in some situations it can be suffering loving someone when things are difficult is longsuffering it's easy to love someone when things are good but loving them in the bad times is the commitment we make in marriage remember your vow to love For Better or For Worse for richer or for poor in sickness and in health biblical love endures the hard times love is kind kindness involves friendliness consideration of others and generosity this shows us that love is giving preference to the other person do you take the last chocolate for yourself or do you offer it to your wife do you give your husband the bigger stake or do you keep it for yourself these are simple things but they speak volumes of love another thing to remember in marriage is that we need to be quick to forgive our spouse husbands be quick to forgive your wife and wives be quick to forgive your husband we need to look for the good in that person and remember that we made a commitment to be married to them for life and we will benefit by always looking for the good in them if you look for bad in them your marriage will be miserable but if you look for the good in them you will find reasons to be happy in your marriage this is an active choice we need to make husbands look for reasons to love your wife look for the things that make her beautiful to you look for the things that make you happy in her and look for ways to make her happy wives look for reasons to love your husband look for things that make him attractive to you look for things that he does that make you happy and look for ways to make him happy having a happy marriage isn't always easy sometimes it takes work sometimes it means you have to be intentional about what you say and do or how you think about that person remember that you made a vow before God to love this person for the rest of your life so make loving them a priority in your life marriage isn't just a relationship it's a Holy Covenant while the World Views love as a conditional and fleeting feeling God calls us to a deeper sacrificial love that mirrors Christ's love for the church if you're married fight for your marriage with prayer love and perseverance if you're struggling in marriage seek biblical counsel and Trust in God's power to heal and restore you have to choose to uphold the sacred coveted of marriage as God intended hey friends if you've been enjoying the show and you want to help keep the conversation going then we love your support let's talk biblical is a listener supported podcast and we couldn't do this without you your support helps keep this show running for more information about how you can support this ministry visit unlearn theel lies.com and thank you so much for being a part of let's talk biblical now that we've explored the depths of today's topic it's time to hear from you welcome to the Q&A portion of the show where you can ask questions about today's topic so post your questions in the chat and let's talk biblical all right uh so the first question we have tonight is uh from C katika I think I saying that right katika and it says my husband abused me so I divorced him am I still single I am still single but he got remarried now what um [Music] so the the question you're asking I think is can you get remarried um since he got remarried he committed adultery according to what Yeshua was saying in in Matthew 19 um so he you know you got divorced and he remarried and so um since he is remarried you are now free from that Covenant he broke the Covenant by marrying somebody else um and so you are no longer bound to him um and so I I would say that makes you free to marry someone else um it's what it seems to me that uh the Covenant was broken on his part because he took another wife so that that would be my understanding of how that works uh kers family adventur says what confuses me is that Deuteronomy 24 says she may go uh and be another man's wife which is what Yeshua calls adultery in the New Testament is permitted by the Old Testament all right so let's go ahead and look at that verse and so Deuteronomy 24:1 it says when a man takes a wife and marries her and it happens that she finds no favor in his eyes because he has found some uncleanness in her and he writes her certificate of divorce puts in her hand sends her out of his house when she has departed from his house and she goes and becomes another man's wife okay so it doesn't say she is free to marry someone else it says if she goes and marry someone else and so the way it's worded isn't now you now she's free now she's permitted now it's it's available to to her to marry someone else that's not how it's worded it says when she's departed and she goes and becomes another man's wife it just this is part of the the scenario and so he takes a wife and he divorces her and she goes and marries somebody else that's the scenario it's not saying she is free to marry someone else and so hopefully that helps better understand that verse um let's go back to the questions uh Michael Ellis says if Jesus said divorce doesn't sever the marriage covenant wouldn't he be contradicting Deuteronomy 24 1-4 these verses say they can remarry I Think Jesus is denouncing putting away not divorce okay um I actually years ago did a video on that topic of of is Matthew 19 talking about divorce or putting away and at the time I presented three options um and in those three options you know I said that you know he may be talking about divorce he may be talking about putting away um in a manner that was not legal you know that he sends her out of his out out of the house without a certificate um and so she's not technically divorced they're just separated um and then you know uh I don't remember what the third option was but um the the thing is the context let's goe and look at uh the word in here so it was Matthew 19 and all right the Pharisees came to him testing him and saying to him is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for just any reason and um then they go on and when they say um they said to him why then did Moses command to give a certificate of divorce and to put her away so uh the context here is that they're asking about both the certificate of divorce and the putting away so they're they're both are in this context um and his response is that uh Moses permitted divorce because of the hardness of your hearts uh but from the beginning it was not so and so prior to that there was no uh permission given for divorce and Moses um gave them excuse me special permission for that but Yeshua came and Yeshua has Authority higher than Moses okay Moses is a man Yeshua is God incarnate and Yeshua is the Living Word of God and so yeshua's Authority supersedes that of Moses um and Yeshua says but I say to you whoever divorces his wife except for sexual immorality and marries another commits adultery and whoever marries her is divorced commits adultery so these are the words of Yeshua and so you know are we going to say well you know I'm going to go with Moses instead of Yeshua on this one you know I don't I don't think that's a good idea U but I don't think Moes I I don't think Yeshua is contradicting Moses I think Yeshua is is better explaining Moses um Moses permitted divorce in the sense that um it says if a man divorces his wife uh he didn't say a man can never divorce his wife right he said if a man divorces his wife so that that gives that uh permission there that there's a possibility that this could happen um but Yeshua says I'm telling you if you divorce for any other reason except sexual immorality it's not a legitimate reason for divorce this is the only legitimate reason for divorce is what Yeshua saying um and you know his disciples followed up and they said well if this is if this is the case uh if such is the case with a man with his wife it's better not to marry okay so they're they understand the hardness of what he's saying um the disciples didn't take it lightly either and so it it is a hard word that he's saying here and and I'm not trying to um minimize it or say that it's uh uh it's not that difficult it it is a difficult thing that he's saying he's saying that there's there's there's only one reason for divorce and that's sexual immorality um and that's because they violate the marriage bed um the other reasons for divorce that many people have um they justify in their minds but scriptures don't justify it unfortunately um and and Yeshua said well you know I tell you what all all cannot accept this saying but only those to whom has been given so he understands the hardness of it too he says not everybody's going to receive it not everybody's going to accept it not not everybody's going to um walk according to it and so this is this is a difficult thing and that's why it's so important uh before you get married to to really seriously consider the vows that you're taking and you know now I'm speaking to to single people or people who are you know thinking about marriage or are looking to get married make sure this is the person you want to spend the rest of your life with you know so many times people rush into marriage they um you know they have the excitement of the relationship and they they think everything's going to be like this forever that excitement wears off and excuse me me it's wise not to rush in too quickly into marriage um make sure you consider make sure you consider everything and make sure you're serious about the vows you're taking um you know when you come into marriage don't think well if things don't work out I'll just divorce her and marry somebody else that's that's not the right mindset to have the mindset to have is is um if things get hard we're going to have to work hard to make it you know to make this marriage last um you know and things are going to get hard marriage isn't easy people go through hard times and um you know the Bible also says not to be unequally yolked with unbelievers and so when you are um looking for a a husband or wife make sure that they are um not unbelievers first off but also I would say you know make sure that your beliefs are compatible um you know if if you're uh a Sabbath keeper do you is it a good idea to marry somebody who doesn't keep the Sabbath you know that's that's unequally yolked you're going to have conflict over the Sabbath you're going to have conflict about Saturday or Sunday you know are you going to go to church on Saturday you're going to go to church on Sunday make sure those things are ironed out before you get married um you know if you eat biblically clean and you don't eat pork but the person you're looking at marrying they they like to eat pork um and they're not interested in giving that up that's going to cause conflict in your marriage so it's still even though they are a Believer maybe they believe in in Jesus but and and you know they're they're a faithful Christian they go they go to church every week and they read their Bible and they pray and they love the Lord um but you have difference in certain areas um those differences can cause some big problems later and I've known people uh over the years who you know they they started out both of them were Sunday Christians Easter Christmas um eating pork you know all that kind of stuff and then one of them later the Lord kind of opens their eyes and they start saying hey I think we're we need to keep the Sabbath and the feast days I think we need to eat biblically clean and that caused conflict in their marriage because the other spouse didn't want to have anything to do with it and uh you know either they continued you know there's there's multiple scenarios when something like that happens either they continue to be driven further and further apart until eventually they get divorced or uh they figure out how to um live at peace with one one another and compromise where one of them keeps the Sabbath one of them keeps Sunday um you know one of them doesn't eat pork the other one does and they don't fight about it and they just they they they maintain the peace so that they can maintain their marriage or the one who is keeping the Sabbath eventually says you know what this is too hard I'm going to stop keeping the Sabbath and he goes back to Sunday or she goes back to Sunday um or the one who's keeping Sunday uh says you know what I'm I'm going to go along with my husband or wife and I'm going to start keeping the Sabbath too just because they do even though they may not actually agree with it and so there's a lot of different scenarios that could play out or you know one of them the the other one could eventually say you know what I think you're right and they Chang their their view completely and um their faith does align and so there's a lot of different scenarios that can take place in that process but to eliminate a lot of the problems in marriage it's better to to find somebody who is compatible with you um in their beliefs because if if you aren't compatible in your beliefs you're going to have a lot of a lot of conflict um all right uh love Oracle says you are a chauvinist um I'm not sure what I said that makes you think I'm a chauvinist um I actually let me let me just pull up the definition of a chauvinist here uh um a chauvinistic man is a man who believes that men are superior to women and treats women as less important or capable chauvinistic men may also p uh patronize disparage or otherwise degenerate women um characteristics of a chauvinistic man he believes that women are naturally less intelligent less important or less capable than men uh he does not treat wh uh men and women equally he may insist on calling women girls and he may believe that men rule in society uh male chauvinism is closely related to male Supremacy male oppression and patriarchy uh synonyms of chauvinist include sexist and anti-feminist uh in psychoanalytic therapy chauvinism is sometimes seen as an attempt to ward off anxiety and shame challenging chauvinist attitudes can sometimes result in anxiety or other symptoms um so anyway um I'm not sure at what point today I said something that made you think I was a chauvinist um I actually would never characterize myself as a chauvinist um I think women are wonderful I I think women are intelligent I um I think God created women uh for necessity that they are needed men need women we can't live without women it is absolutely a necessity that we have women and and I I said that in the video um I said that women bring something to a marriage and bring something to men that men don't have because women are different than men that's if you're saying because I said women are different than men that I'm a chauvinist then that's uh that's ridiculous because everybody knows women are different than men women are different in many ways than men um the I don't I don't think that makes me chauvinist to say that women are different if I said women are inferior then yeah that would make me a chauvinist but I didn't say women are inferior I said women are different um and I said that women um think differently than men but I didn't say women are unintelligent I I think women are very intelligent I think they're very capable um and there's some amazing women in the Bible and uh there's some amazing women that I know personally um and you know I love my wife and I think the world of her and I think she's amazing and I I don't think any less of her than anyone else I actually think more of her than most people um so I I don't know why you think I'm a chauvinist um anyway uh King anime review says what do you think about the Orthodox Church uh well I don't know if I have a good uh I don't know if I have a good working knowledge of the Orthodox Church um I know a little bit about them and from what I know about them uh they're very similar to Catholics in a lot of ways um so I don't know if there's something specific about the Orthodox Church that you're curious about um but just in general I would I would say well there um it's an old church that's been around for a long time uh but is very similar to Catholicism in a lot of ways and um I'm sure they have they have some doctrines that they're spot on with just like any denomination uh but they've also got other doctrines where they probably weigh off on um and from what I understand uh they I may be wrong in this but I don't think they keep the Sabbath and I don't think they keep the feast days and um so I would differ from them in that because I think that we're supposed to be keeping the Sabbath feast days so uh let's see okay uh Texas lovely and by the way if you post questions if you type the word question and I'll caps that'll help me find them faster um I try to skim through the question or through the comments to find questions as quickly as possible um this one did not put question all caps but I I saw the question mark and so I paused at it um or I'm sorry I didn't see the question mark oh yeah uh I saw the question mark and uh so I realized there was a question there so I read it uh Texas lovely lady says uh if you married a narcissist did he mention that and so there's the question question uh they don't honor the Covenant it takes two to make and keep the marriage um so no uh there's no mention of a narcissist in the Bible um there's also no mention of schizophrenic there's no mention of um bipolar there's no mention of um type A personalities there's no mention of a lot of things in the Bible um so what does that mean does that mean they don't exist no that doesn't mean they don't exist it just means the Bible didn't mention them that language did not exist at that time those are terms that have been um invented by modern psychology and so uh type A personality is is something the Bible never mentions because that that phrase that terminology didn't exist until uh popular psychology uh came up with it same thing with a narcissist they the term isn't used in the Bible because uh it didn't exist at the time nobody knew what that was it was something that was invented by modern psychology so um what if you marry a narcissist well you made a bad choice um the Bible doesn't say you can get out of marriage because the person isn't what you thought they were um and I understand narcissists are selfish they are self-involved um they don't they don't think of others the way they should and you know so the issue is they're they're not loving the way they're supposed to be loving um is that a reason for divorce I don't see that in scripture I don't see it in scripture saying well you can divorce your wife if she's a narcissist or you can divorce your husband if he's a narcissist I don't see that in scripture um I see a lot of people today claiming that their husband or their wife is a narcissist um but I I don't even know if those claims are true it's just their opinion um in many cases and so you know unless someone is clinically diagnosed as one um I don't know if you can even say that they are for sure um and even in that case whether they are or are not diagnosed still isn't n for sure that they are um so you know if you're in a a scenario where you're married to somebody and you think they're a narcissist pray for that person pray that God will change them because God can change anyone God can change their heart pray for them and pray for them and pray for them um I know a lady she prayed for her husband for 25 years um he was he was not a Believer he was abusive um he was angry yelled a lot he uh he didn't he didn't treat her the way she was supposed to be treated he didn't treat her with love and she prayed for him for 25 years she remained faithful to him and prayed for him for 25 years and after 25 years of praying for him he came to the Lord he became he got saved and he became a Christian and now he is uh you know one of the most amazing men and you know he's very loving and kind he's good to her he's good to his kids he's good to everybody around him um God transformed his life and so but because she was a faithful wife a faithful woman to to continue to pray for her husband all those years she stood by him and she endured the hard time and prayed for him and prayed for him and prayed for him all those years and eventually he got saved and so um I would encourage anyone in that situation that if if you're if you think your husband's a narcissist just keep praying for him let God get a hold of his heart and transform him if you think your wife is a narcissist just keep praying for her let God get a hold of her and transform her life and um just be be faithful do your part be the man of God you're supposed to be be the woman of God you're supposed to be and just continue to pray for that person and and just pray that God will get a hold of them um okay uh although I remember although I remarried my husband after having another others suggest that I should divorce him again he neglects me but no cheating is divorce called for because we remarried um so two wrongs don't make a right um you you've already entered into the second marriage um ending the second marriage isn't going to make things any better um so you know let me let me turn to [Music] John chapter 4 um and we have this Samaritan woman right and oh you know let me get the scripture on screen sorry um let's go [Music] to uh he he came to the city of Samaria which is called sikar near the plot of ground that Jacob gave to his son Joseph now Jacob's Well was there Jesus uh uh therefore being wearied from his journey sat thus by the well it was about the sixth hour a woman of smear came to draw water Jesus said to her give me a drink his disciples are gone away into the city to buy food then the woman of Samaria said to him how is that you being a Jew ask a drink for me a Samaritan woman for Jews have no dealings with Samaritans Jesus answered and said her if you knew the gift of God and who it was that says to you give me a drink you would have asked me you would asked him and he would have given you living water the woman said to him sir you have nothing to draw with and the will is deep uh where then do you get this living water are uh are you greater than our father Jacob who gave us the well and drank from it himself as well as his sons and his livestock Jesus answered and said to her whoever drinks from this water from this well will thirst again but whoever drinks water uh of the water that I shall give him will never thirst uh but the water that I give him shall become a fountain of water springing up to everlasting life the woman said to him sir give me this water that I may not thirst uh nor come here to draw Jesus said her go call your husband and uh come here the woman answered and said I have no husband and Jesus said to her you have said well I have no husband for you have had five husbands and the one you have the one whom you now have is not your husband in that you spoke truly um so he said you you currently are with a guy you're not married to but you previously have had five husbands and so he recognized and he understood that she was having a relationship with a man and they were not married um they were living together they were um probably uh involved sleeping together but uh she was not married to him so they were fornicating but uh he said you have had five husbands indicating that she was previously married and divorced five times and now the one she is with is she's not married to they decided to um to live together and not get married and so this woman is uh you know she is she has had multiple divorces and is now um living with a guy well Yeshua um Yeshua knew this before he even talked to her but yeah he's sharing he's sharing with her and and sharing the gospel with her and saying come to me for Living Water I can transform your life um you know the the things we've done in our past are in the past and we can't do anything to undo those mistakes um you you were divorced and got remarried um you can't undo that there's there's nothing you can do to repair that that's that's damage that's already been done you've already been divorced you've already got remarried what you do now is you move forward with where you're at you you work on the marriage you have right now try to make it a better marriage uh um you know love love your husband the way the Bible says to and and pray for your husband that he would uh become a godly man to love you the way that he's supposed to um but you know getting a second divorce doesn't fix the situation you're in it's not going to fix it you're going to be single and then eventually you're going to want to get married again and then you'll be you'll be like this woman having multiple husbands multiple divorces and um each divorce just just digs the whole deeper and so getting divorced again isn't going to fix it um having a better marriage fixing your marriage go to counseling pray for your husband uh you know encourage your husband um you know in his walk with the Lord um do things to try to make your marriage better that that's going to fix your situation divorce is not going to fix it divorce is just going to make it's going to compound it's just going to add one more thing to the problem um okay let's see okay uh although living separately neither of us seek divorce but others suggest I divorce him because I struggle mentally I was not t observant when I divorced the first time okay so this is some clarification I guess um to the the first one so you're living separately right now um you know I would I would suggest that um try to try to rebuild the relationship um try to work on it and you know that something that let me pull up um 1 Corinthians chapter um so in 1 Corinthians 7:15 it says but if the unbeliever departs let him depart a brother or sister is not under bondage in such cases but God has called us to Peace So if you are married um so let me back up just a second here um so let's start at verse 13 and a woman who has a husband who does not believe if he is willing to live with her let her not divorce him okay so um if he's willing to to stay with you then uh stay with him for the unbelieving husband is Sanctified by the wife and the unbelieving wife is Sanctified by the husband otherwise your children would be unclean but now they're holy so when you stay together that keeps the marriage holy it's it's holy matrimony um and so your children are clean um they are not defiled but when you get divorced that brings in uh defilement into the home and so he's he's encouraging women to stay married to their unbelieving husbands so that their their home stays holy even though the husband is not holy it says that the husband is Sanctified by the wife though and so by her her faith and her belief she is bringing sanctification to the home and you know hopefully uh at some point he comes to Faith um but if an unbeliever departs let let him depart a brother or sister is not under bondage and set cases but God has called us to Peace So if you're married to an unbeliever and they decide to leave you that you're you're free at that point that's not on you they left you they divorced you you are free uh and you can marry another now um you are not in bondage to that marriage because they left you they divorced you um and so that's something I think that a lot of people um don't think about is if uh if you're married to an unbeliever and they are just sick of being married to someone who is uh you know strong in their faith with the Lord and and they don't want to be around you anymore and they leave you they divorce you you're free from that marriage but you're not supposed to divorce them okay um let them divorce you if if if you're going to get divorced let them be the one to divorce you don't divorce them um and you know in that case you're free you can marry somebody else um how do you know a wife whether you will save your husband or how do you know a husband whether you will save your wife and so he's saying stay married to them because you don't know you might you might save them you might bring them to Faith um so anyway um that's that would be the the biblical Counsel on that is to to stay married but if they leave you um then you're you're free from that and so um let's see is there any other questions in here real quick this is so focused on the wife being a virtuous wife what about the husband uh what about the abuse husband it's so one-sided um well I I felt like I I tried to talk about both I said the husband is supposed to love his wife and that that love is supposed to be a sacrificial love the way that Christ loved the church um that I don't feel like I'm giv the guys an easy out on this that's a pretty big task um husbands are supposed to love your wife the way Christ loved the church if you're not loving your wife the way Christ loved the church you're falling short um and you know husbands who mistreat their wives they are um really falling short uh they're they're not loving their wife they're they're they're not being a good husband and I I thought I explained that um but maybe I didn't spend as much time on as I should have um but I I addressed the husbands first before I addressed the wife and I said said that you know husbands are supposed to love their wives sacrificially um a sacrificial love that preferences her above himself I don't I don't see how that's um one-sided I I feel like if anything I there's it's heavier on the men men have more responsibility in that than women do because uh we're supposed to love the way Christ loved the church um women are supposed to honor their husbands the way the church honors Christ that's a pretty big burden too but if you if you compare the two Christ did more for the church than the church did for Christ and so there's there's a bigger burden on the men to love their wives um in the way that Christ loved the church that is a huge burden that is a huge responsibility and a huge expectation um so I I don't if it is one-sided I I feel like it's more one-sided in you know in in the women's favor that uh the men have a heavier burden to carry but it's it's because they are the husband they are the the head of the house they they are the the one who Bears the responsibility so um let's see excuse me all right here's another question sorry I got a tickle in my throat all right uh what when does God recognize a marriage what is a Biblical marriage in God's eyes surely it's not walking down an aisle exchanging rings and kissing um why is that not a Biblical marriage I don't I don't see why that would be um opposed to biblical in any way um what we do see in the Bible is that a matters is established by two or three Witnesses and so for something to be established there has to be witnesses to it um when you walk down the aisle and you have your friends and family present you have witnesses um within in scripture where it talks about the the price of the Bride there is um there's some sort of a financial uh exchange taking place some sort of a financial burden that happens and and the Bible talks about a dowry um that is often times now represented by the wedding ring and so it's it's a an object of Great Value that is placed on her hand it's given to her and it's it's it becomes a dowy to her um the exchanging of vows and uh that is part of a covenant a covenant always involves exchanging of vows when weddings take place there's an exchanging of vows that is what makes it a covenant um the Bible talks about the um leaving your father and mother and being joined to your wife U being joined in marriage and so this giving away of the Bride is connected to that that she is leaving her father and mother and being joined to her husband he is leaving his father and mother and being joined to his wife um you know the Bible talks about how uh a woman is under the authority of her father until she's married and then when she is married she's under the authority of her husband um and so the the father giving away the bride is connected to that that he is now giving her to her husband so it's no longer his daughter his daughter is no longer under his authority he's giving his daughter to this man and she is now under his authority um everything about a marriage uh ceremony comes from the Bible uh may you know may not be direct quotes from The Bible but sometime sometimes it is but the elements that are present have some sort of biblical root there's a reason biblical reason for why those things are done um and so you know the kiss represents the consummation of the marriage um in the Bible uh the consummation takes place on the wedding night um whenever they go into their into their their bedroom um but in marriage ceremony uh we don't send them away to the closet and say okay go consummate that the kiss represents that consummation and so um I I don't I don't know why there would be an opposition to a modern wedding I think modern weddings are uh very much based in scripture the they come from the church and they were based out of the scriptures um the issue would come I think whenever you're not doing it in the eyes of God and so you say well I want to get married but I don't want to get married by a minister I want to get married by Elvis in Las Vegas um although he is probably a licensed Minister wearing an Elvis costume um it's someone seeking to get married with apart from the church um I think that's whenever it it becomes questionable because they're trying to get married in some other way and not getting married in the eyes of God and marriage is a holy institution uh ordained by God and so it should be done uh in a holy manner um with God as your witness and as with other Witnesses present uh with a some sort of a covenant contract being signed uh marriage marriage covenant marriage contract with an exchanging of vows um you know things like that it's those things are necessary to make it a binding Covenant a lawful Covenant um I I know some people object to the state involvement in their marriage and so they will say I want to get married um and I'll have a marriage contract marriage covenant drawn up a katuba something like that uh but they say I don't want to have the state documents uh documenting my marriage I I don't understand that either uh why would it matter if the state knows you're married um it's just one more step to make it legal and um typically the people who have tried to do things in non-standard ways uh they try to avoid a wedding ceremony they try to avoid a um certificate from the state and you know they get they get married PRI privately uh either you know the two of them just kind of exchange vows privately and and say they're married or maybe they have a a very you know private wedding where they just have like you know maybe one or two other people there and uh but they avoid the documentation of it and they they don't sign the documents they don't have um a legal record of their marriage often times those people end up a few years down the road saying hey we weren't really married anyway I'm out of here and they're not um they're not faithful to that Covenant because they didn't they didn't do all the stuff they didn't sign the papers they didn't have the witnesses they they didn't um they they didn't make it legal and because they didn't make it legal they just they see it as an easy out um and so uh I would say you know do what need to do to make it legal and that makes it binding and that makes it harder for the other person to walk out on you um a cerr says question so other than adultery someone that divorces and remarried is a sin yeah that's that's what Yeshua is saying is if you get divorced for any reason except sexual immorality then and you marry somebody else you've committed adultery now if you if you get divorced and you don't remarry then you haven't committed adultery um but if you marry somebody else you have committed adultery according to Yeshua but um does that mean that you can't be forgiven no God forgives sin um I mean David King David uh he he had a man killed he he well first he committed adultery with basba and then he had her husband killed uh and then he took as his wife he he committed sin upon sin compounded God called him a man after God's Own Heart God forgave him he he sought forgiveness from God and God forgave him um and God continued to use him and you know his his son through b Sheba became the next king So Solomon was B sheba's son and he became the next king and so God even used their offspring um so yes it's a sin but does that mean that you are it doesn't it's not the unforgivable sin it doesn't mean you're going to hell if you've been divorced and remarried yeah you you sinned um but that's in your past seek forgiveness from the Lord and move on um don't dwell in it don't stay in there and don't um don't be bound by that and and and think that um you're not if you if you've asked for forgiveness um for that sin you can continue being in your marriage and make that marriage a Godly marriage so you don't have to end that marriage and I think that was one of the questions earlier was do I need to get out of this marriage no you don't need to get out of the marriage you need to make that marriage work and seek to make this this current marriage you're in a Godly marriage and don't seek to get divorced again um you know just just do better this time uh and katika says question are you a pastor do you recommend a church to attend yes I am a pastor um I pastor church called the grafted church and we have a a YouTube page as well and just look for grafted Church on YouTube and you can find us on there and you can watch online um we are current we we are in Oklahoma uh we're about halfway between Oklahoma City and Tulsa and uh we have a physical church here and um we have quite a few people that attend in person but we also have quite a few people who watch online and so we would love to have you join us online and watch um each week every Saturday at 1:00 Central Standard time is when the service is and we live stream on YouTube so you can go to go to our YouTube channel grafted Church um it's grafted g r a f t d like um we are grafted in from Romans 11 um and uh you can find us there so all right uh I need to go ahead and wrap up I've got uh a meeting I've got to get to so let me tell you about next week are you eating according to God's design in the next episode of let's talk biblical we'll explore the biblical diet what the scriptures say about clean and unclean Foods vegans meat eaters and the spiritual significance of what we eat we also look at what the entire Bible says about food and how it applies to Believers today join us as we dive deep into God's dietary instructions and separate biblical truth from tradition you don't want to miss this episode thank you for joining me on on let's talk biblical if you enjoyed this episode then share it with your friends and keep the conversation going be sure to subscribe so you don't miss anything and I look forward to chatting with you again next week until next time keep talking biblical shalom