Biblical Intimacy: Reclaiming God’s Design for Sex in Marriage | Let's Talk Biblical

If you love talking about the Bible as much as I do, then I think you'll really enjoy this show. Welcome to Let's Talk Biblical, the podcast where we dig deep into the heart of scripture, explore timeless truths, and have real conversations about what the Bible says and how it applies to us. My name is Lex, and I want to thank you for joining me on today's episode. So, grab your Bible, get comfortable, and let's talk biblical. What if I told you that one of God's greatest gifts to married couples is also one of the most misunderstood and neglected subjects in the church today? I'm talking about intimacy. Yes, even sexual intimacy between husbands and wives. For too long, Christians have either been silent on the subject or have reduced it to rules and restrictions, leaving couples confused, ashamed, or even broken. But the Bible doesn't whisper about intimacy. It celebrates it. And today, we're going to reclaim God's design for sex in marriage. By the end of this episode, I believe you'll see intimacy not as something awkward or taboo, but as something holy, beautiful, and essential to your marriage covenant. This is part three in a series about marriage. In the first episode, we talked about godly wives. And in the second episode, we talked about godly husbands. And in this episode, we're going to talk about godly intimacy in marriage. Many believers grew up in churches where sex was never discussed. Or if it was, it was presented as dirty, shameful, or merely tolerated for procreation. But silence breeds confusion. When the church doesn't teach people about this topic, the culture will. And let's be honest, Hollywood, pornography, and secular media have been more than willing to teach distorted views about intimacy. Their version of sex emphasizes lust, selfishness, and temporary pleasure. While God's version emphasizes covenant love, self-giving, and lifelong joy. Let me give you an illustration. Think about a fire. In the fireplace, it brings warmth, light, and comfort. But if it gets outside the fireplace, it can burn the house down. Sex works the same way. Inside God's covenant of marriage, it's life-giving, safe, and beautiful. But outside of God's covenant is destructive and dangerous. Hebrews 13:4 says, "Marriage is honorable among all and the bed undefiled, but fornicators and adulterers God will judge." God is not anti-ex. God created sex, but it has a place and a purpose, and we need to use it for what God intended to avoid problems. Intimacy is created by God. From the very beginning, God made man and woman to be one flesh. Genesis 2:24 says, "Therefore, a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh." Intimacy is not just physical. It's emotional, spiritual, and covenantal. This is why the Bible commands us not to fornicate, because we're joining ourselves with someone outside of a marriage covenant. 1 Corinthians 6:15 and 16 says, "Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ? Shall I then take the members of Christ and make them members of a harlot? Certainly not. Or do you not know that he who is joined to a harlot is one body with her? For the two, he says, shall become one flesh. And 1 Corinthians 6:18 says, "Flee sexual immorality. Every sin that a man does is outside the body, but he who commits sexual immorality sins against his own body." Intimacy is celebrated in scripture. The Song of Solomon is an entire book that rejoices in the intimacy of marriage. Listen to Song of Solomon 7:6. How fair and how pleasant you are, O love, with your delights. This is poetic passion written under the inspiration of the Holy Spirit. Intimacy is commanded for mutual joy. 1 Corinthians 7 teaches that a husband and wife should not deprive one another, but to freely give themselves to one another. 1 Corinthians 7 3-5 says, "Let the husband render to his wife the affection due to her, and likewise also the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. And likewise, the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Do not deprive one another except with consent for a time, that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer, and come together again, so that Satan does not tempt you because of your lack of self-control." This passage flips the script on intimacy in marriage. It's not about selfish taking, but it's about generous giving. One of the problems I often see in marriage counseling is that one partner is withholding intimacy from the other partner as a form of punishment. They're trying to control and manipulate the other person by withholding sex. This is wrong and it goes against what scripture teaches. The only time to withhold intimacy is by mutual consent for the purpose of prayer and fasting. One key point I want you to get out of this is that God designed sex to be a picture of covenantal love, sacrificial, exclusive, and joyous. Sex is a beautiful thing that brings couples closer together in marriage. Okay. Now, I want to talk about some common misconceptions about sex. And the first one is that sex is dirty. I've heard people say that they're uncomfortable with the idea of sex because it just feels dirty to them. So, they avoid it even in marriage. The truth is that God made it and everything that God made is good. Genesis 1:31 says, "Then God saw everything that he made and indeed it was very good." So the evening and the morning were the sixth day. If God made it and he declared it good, then it's not shameful. Sex in marriage is holy and beautiful when done according to God's plan. Misconception number two is that sex is just for having children. These same people who say that sex is dirty also tend to argue that sex is only given for the purpose of reproduction. And they argue that the only reason to have sex is if you want a baby. However, the truth is while procreation is part of God's design, sexual intimacy strengthens love, builds trust, and protects marriages against temptation. Listen what Proverbs chapter 5 says. Proverbs 5:18-19 says, "Let your fountain be blessed and rejoice with the wife of your youth. As a loving deer and a graceful do, let her breast satisfy you at all times and always be enraptured with her love." This is about finding pleasure in intimacy, not just about having babies. Misconception number three is that intimacy is only physical. Some people also think that sexual intimacy is only physical. However, the truth is biblical intimacy is body, soul, and spirit. It mirrors the unity and oneness God desires between himself and his people. That's why Paul calls marriage a mystery that points to Christ and the church. Ephesians 5:31-32 says, "For this reason, a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh." This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church. Marriage is a deeply spiritual covenant that points us to the unity God wants with his people. Intimacy is about closeness, not just physical, but closeness in every imaginable way. If you're married, your husband or your wife should be the closest person in your life. They should be your best friend, and they should know you better than anyone else. They should be your confidant and partner in everything you do. You should covet time with them and seek to please your spouse. All right. Now, I want to talk about some practical ways we can reclaim God's design in marriage. Pursue emotional intimacy. Husbands, 1 Peter 3:7 commands you to dwell with your wife with understanding. 1 Peter 3:7 says, "Husbands, likewise, dwell with them with understanding, giving honor to the wife as to the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life that your prayers may not be hindered." Emotional intimacy begins with listening, having empathy, and creating a safe space where she can speak freely with you. Seek to understand her and connect with her emotionally. The second thing we need to do is practice spiritual intimacy. You need to pray together, worship together, read scripture together. When your spiritual bond is strong, your physical intimacy flows naturally. Ephesians 5:23 says, "For the husband is the head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church, and he is the savior of the body." Husbands, you are appointed by God as the spiritual leader in your house. So lead your wife spiritually. Be imitators of Christ. Be the head she needs you to be to lead her in the Lord. Number three is to protect the marriage bed. Guard against lust in all of its forms, pornography, fantasy, and comparison with others. The book of Hebrews calls the marriage bed undefiled and it must remain a sacred space. Hebrews 13:4 says, "Marriage is honorable among all and the bed undefiled, but fornicators and adulterers God will judge." Yeshua warned us that lust is adultery in the heart. All sin begins in the heart with a desire for something you shouldn't. Lust is a desire for illegal intimacy, intimacy with someone other than your covenant partner. You keep the marriage bed holy and undefiled by not allowing anyone else to compare to your husband or wife. You need to make them your favorite person, the one person you desire most. And don't let your eyes lead you astray from that. Fix your heart on the one you're in covenant with. Remember your vows to forsake all others and to love and cherish this one person until death separates you. That's the power of a marriage covenant. And that vow keeps the marriage bed undefiled. Next, we need to prioritize generosity and not selfishness. Paul's words in 1 Corinthians 7 remind us that intimacy is about serving and satisfying your spouse, not yourself. 1 Corinthians 7 3 and 4 says, "Let the husband render to his wife the affection due to her. And likewise also the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. And likewise, the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does." Lust is selfish. It says, "What pleasure can I get?" Love is not self-seeking because love asks, "How can I please the one I love?" Marriage is a covenant, and intimacy is one of the most powerful ways to honor that covenant. Don't let the enemy twist and steal what God has created for good. Reclaim it, celebrate it, protect it. Because when a husband and wife walk in biblical intimacy, they reflect the love of Christ and his church. And that's a testimony the world desperately needs to see. Hey friends, if you've been enjoying the show and you want to help keep the conversation going, then we'd love your support. Let's Talk Biblical is a listenerup supported podcast and we couldn't do this without you. Your support helps keep this show running. For more information about how you can support this ministry, visit unlearnthe.com. And thank you so much for being a part of Let's Talk Biblical. Now that we've explored the depths of today's topic, it's time to hear from you. Welcome to the Q&A portion of the show where you can ask questions about today's topic. So, post your questions in the chat and let's talk biblical. Okay. Sorry, I was muted. I apologize for that. Can you hear me now? Um, so I was hoping to have a live Q&A tonight and we don't have any questions in the chat yet. So, if you could go ahead and post your questions in the chat. Sorry about uh sorry about being muted. Um, so we've got a new member tonight is uh Joe Bud. Thanks for joining and welcome to the live stream and I'm just waiting for a question to pop up. I've got uh Nick and Sith the noame both tell me the audio was off. I apologize for that guys. Um, I muted it earlier and forgot to unmute it. Uh, let's see. Well, since we don't have any questions yet, I'll give you guys a minute to think of some questions. Um, and it doesn't have to be on the topic of marriage. It could be on any topic you want. Um, just open Q&A for whatever questions you might have. Um, did you guys see the video I put out Sunday? Uh it was about how the church transitioned from a Jewish sect to a gentile religion and um and I put a lot of effort into that that video. I'm really excited about it and I think it's a really great video and I hope um it continues to do well. But so far it's been doing really good on on YouTube and I'm I'm hoping it'll continue to do well because it's something I want uh to reach as many people as possible because I feel like it's it's an important part of history that a lot of people aren't aware of. Um I know that whenever I was in in Bible college and I you know I studied church history and that was one of the the things that I studied in my uh theology degree was church history. But what's interesting is that most people they they talk about early church history as being like third century and third and fourth century they they'd call early church history. And to me, early church history is like first and second century, but first and second century history was kind of glazed over and and nobody really talked about that. Um, there's barely anything mentioned. Um, you know, basically from the destruction of the temple until Constantine, that entire block of history is kind of just skipped over like it's not important. Sometimes you'll hear somebody quote from um somebody in those those eras. You know, you might hear somebody quote from uh Justin Martyr or um Josephus, which he wasn't a Christian, but he was Jewish historian. Um or they'll quote from, you know, somebody like Ucius or or um Origin or, you know, some of those guys. uh but it is not really a whole lot of history that's explained or talked about during that time period. So I felt like it was an important time period um to to emphasize because so much changed in the church during that time period. And we still don't have any questions, guys. Where's all the questions tonight? Usually I'm flooded with questions by this time. Um nobody's posting questions tonight. [Laughter] We may have a really short episode tonight if we don't have any questions. Okay, here's a question. I recently heard about reformed uh pronomian churches. Do you have any opinion on reformed pronomianism? Uh that's actually a term I'm not familiar with. Um, I am familiar with the pronomian, uh, the term pronomian, which is someone who just pro proaw pro Torah. Um, I'm not sure what pronomian or what reformed pronomian is, though. Um, so that's a new one for me. I'm I'm kind of curious what reformed pronomian is doing because pronomianism, as far as I understand, is fairly new. uh development in Christian history in in recent Christian history. I I I think it's a return to um the early earliest form of Christianity which is you know first and second century Christianity before um what what during the time when the apostles were still overseeing the church I I feel like it was a pronomian environment then but after Rome got involved it was very anti-nomeian and opposed to the Torah opposed to the law of God Um and the the new fluctuation of the messianic Hebrew roots, Torah observant, pronomian type of mindset uh has really kind of developed and taken root in the last 20 or 30 years. And so it's a fairly new movement um within the overall church history. So I'm I'm curious how there's already a reform to it and what that reform looks like. So, if you have any information on that, uh that you could send me, I would love to look over it, um because I've not heard that term before. So, uh Tracy says, "Shalom, everybody." Hi, Tracy. Do we have any uh any more questions? Uh let's see. I'm sorry guys. I I planned a short live stream so we could have questions and here we are. Live streams over and no questions. Figures. Um well, I hate to waste you guys' time if nobody has questions. Um oh, here's a question. Would you consider having Corey Miner SmartChristian's channel on your channel or be on his channel? He makes many videos coming after the Sabbath day and those who keep it or want to. Um, I am not familiar with Corey Miner. Um, I'm not opposed to having a conversation with anybody though. Um, I don't know what kind of videos he makes or what he says. Um, but I I'm not opposed to having a conversation with anybody. Um, so if if he is interested in doing that, I' I'd be willing to as well. Um, I'm not really interested in in having a a debate or anything. U, but it'd be interesting to have a conversation and talk about stuff. Uh, I'm I'm assuming it's from what it sounds like that he's opposed to Sabbath. So, uh, could be could be an interesting conversation. Uh, any other questions? This may be the shortest live stream I've ever done. Um, I think I usually at least go 30 or 45 minutes. All right, let's do this. Are there topics that you would like me to talk about either in live stream or to make a uh one of the shorter form videos for YouTube on? Is there any topics of interest that you would love to see a video on? things that that maybe you haven't heard me talk about before or things that I have talked about before but you would like me to talk more about and expla expand on and and uh go deeper on or any old videos that I did that you think I should uh redo and and and improve on. Um anything like that that you guys can think of. I would love to see that. Go and post that in the chat. Tracy says, "Will the live stream be live during Sakote?" Uh, no. I'm not planning on doing a live stream during SEO. I might try to pre-record something and stream something. Uh, just schedule it out for for that week. Um, but I'm not planning on doing a live at SEO. It's just really hard to do that. um while they while we're there. So, uh probably not going to this year. I I know I have in the past um but it's just it's really hard to try to do that there and so I'm I'm not planning to do anything while we're there. Speaking of SEO, is everybody ready for the fall feast? Um they're right around the corner. So, we've got trumpets, uh atonement, and tabernacles all coming up uh very soon. And um you aren't familiar with those topics, I've got some videos on those things as well. Um some older videos. Maybe that's something I should do some some new videos on as well is uh just talking about the uh the feast days and maybe that's a topic people would be interested in. Um okay. Well, I don't have any questions and I don't have any people posting comments. Um, is anybody out there? I know Nick and Tracy are because they posted comments or questions, but uh maybe nobody's watching tonight. Um, is there a something going on in the world that I'm not aware of? Is there a Super Bowl? No, that didn't happen this time of year. Is a is there some big soccer tournament or something people are watching? I don't know. All right, Nick has a question. Are the old streams no longer available under Unlearn the Lies? Um, I have taken down a lot of content uh from my channel. Um, stuff that I felt like was um was either not performing well on YouTube or stuff that I felt like just didn't really line up with what I'm trying to do with this channel anymore. Um, and so I've removed a lot of the older stuff and I'm going to go through um some of my some of my older stuff that's still up there and I'm going to redo it and um try to make it better and try to expand on it a little bit and go more in depth. Um, and hopefully make them more interesting for people to watch because I think I've got some content that's really good but people aren't watching it. Um, and so I want to try to make it so it's more interesting for people to want to watch. Um, so I'll be doing some of that as well on my channel, but um, a lot of the older stuff I've taken down, uh, because I just didn't really feel like it fit the direction I'm wanting to go with this channel. And what I'm wanting to do with this channel is really um kind of dive in on what early Christianity looked like and really focus on uh first century Christianity and what what first century Christianity was like and what it was about and how we could be more like them. And so that's that's the direction I want to take take this channel now. And so if if there's things on my channel that I didn't really feel like lined up with that well, I've already removed it. And then the stuff that I've left, I I think is good, but I'm probably going to go through and redo some of it. So hopefully that helps answer that question a little bit. Um, okay. Well, I don't see any more questions, so I guess we'll go ahead and call it a night. Um, thank you guys for chuming on tonight. Hopefully the topic was interesting and hope it's helpful. And for people who watch it on the playback, I'm sorry for the really boring live Q&A because this is uh not normal. Normally we have lots of questions in the Q&A and I don't have time to get to them. And so tonight um it's strange because I have lots of time and nobody asking questions. So um rather than wasting your time anymore, I'm going to go ahead and just uh call it a night. But thank you guys for being on here and we'll talk to you next week. Thank you for joining me on Let's Talk Biblical. If you enjoyed this episode, then share it with your friends and keep the conversation going. Be sure to subscribe so you don't miss anything, and I look forward to chatting with you again next week. Until next time, keep talking biblical. Shalom.